Marking the day ...

Two years ago this morning I answered the phone and my world dramatically changed ...

Scott said "Um, ... yeah ... mom died this morning ..."

The morning that followed was a blur ... and much of the next 24 months remains a blur ...

Mom died. We prepared for her service and began cleaning up around the house and getting ready to clean it out once and for all ... then our neighbour, mentor, friend and father figure Laverne died and I was asked to deliver the eulogy for his service ...

On the way back from the funeral, Scott gave me what I will forever cherish as the most important compliment I've ever received. While driving he said, "you know you're pretty good at doing that ..."

"Doing what?"
"Funerals. I mean you planned Mom's with Kathy and it was great. And Laverne's was really good. You got us laughing, then almost to tears and back to laughing, all by telling the stories of who he was and what he meant to us. You're good."
I choked out a thank you, then after a quiet moment he said: "I want you to do my eulogy."
"What?"
"I want you to do my eulogy." he repeated.
"I thought you were going to out live me so you can dance on my grave?" I offered in return.
"Oh yeah," Scott laughed, "I am. But you know you can never be sure. It's good to have a plan in place just in case you know!"

After we laughed our conversation turned to other more mundane things like the meeting we had with the lawyer and the storm that hit that afternoon and kept me in Stratford til the next morning.

Two weeks later, I would make a very long cold drive on a February night to find Scott lying dead in his bed, and a week later I would fulfil that request and deliver the eulogy at his memorial ...

Looking back it has been a LONG two years ... after Mom, Mr Baumbach and Scott I went to BC to say farewell to our friend Indigo, then spend endless hours cleaning, sorting and pitching the 50 plus years of stuff gathered in the house we called home ... along the way I've settled their affairs and estate, sorted and cleaned and sold off much of the stuff, had two break ins at the bush, and have filled my house with mementos and remembrances of my life ...

Looking forward, I'm on the verge of opening a new business in Flesherton to offer Fair Trade coffee and a place for the community to come and gather and celebrate all things LOCAL, and my children are standing on the verge of adulthood, having grown considerably in the last couple of years with all of life's ups and downs and twists and turns.

There is much I would do differently if given a chance, and there are things I wish I could unwind. But in life you can only keep moving forward and trusting in the simple reality that with each step you heal and learn and grow ...

It's been a long two years ... there is not a day that passes that I don't miss Mom and Scott and wonder how different things would be if they were still here ... I miss Mom's phone calls ... I miss the occasional conversation Scott and I were able to have ... and I miss the expressions and comments he could and would always offer ... I miss them, but I'm glad I had that last six months to get reacquainted and reconnected with them.

Today, all through my house I am reminded of them ... and that makes me able to smile more then weep ...