What lies ahead ...

The rush of Palm Sunday has come and gone ... my day started early on Saturday with getting things ready for a number of happenings in the building at St John's ... then mid-morning the puck dropped on the final hockey tournament of the year for Ms H's hockey team ... when the final buzzer ended, I dashed out the door to prep and preside at a celebration of life for one of our community saints who had their earthly life draw to a close ... when the service and tea had ended, it was back to the arena for the next tournament game ...

Saturday ended early with me crawling into bed long before my normal time ... then Sunday began just as the sun was rising over the horizon and was another scurry of activity and busy-ness ... prep for worship, breakfast and out the door for our Palm Sunday Communion services followed too closely by the third and final game for Ms H's team ...

Now, in the quiet of a new week, like the streets of Jerusalem in the days following the triumphant entry into the city, I find myself in a place of quiet ... but am very aware of the echo of busy-ness and the grind of the world resonating up and down the streets and laneways ... I yearn to have a place of solitude, but the world keeps breaking in and overwhelming me with 'must do' tasks and chores ... I know what lies ahead and what needs to be done, but there is so much that must be addressed first ...

The moniker of HOLY Weeks is apt ... the Holy is found in the unexpected places, and it is the Holy that carries us through when our feet weaken and our steps falter and we stumble under the weight of all we may be foolishly carrying ... in the coming hours and days, the journey leads into some dark shadowy places, where life seems undervalued and violence and suffering dominant ... the Holy reminds us in those moments when our breath is taken, that the Spirit moves in and through us, and we are given strength and courage to keep moving forward ...

Holy Week is about having the faith to keep moving forward and knowing that no matter what may be happening God is with us ... As Jesus stood on the hill overlooking Jerusalem as the triumphant procession began to move forward he know doubt drew a deep breath and said a prayer of thanks that God would be with him no matter what ...

... it's THAT simple ...

Dayenu!!

Dare to Dream ...

There are days when I question my sanity right now ... I'm in my mid-40's, working full time, and within the next five years I will have the proverbial empty nest ... and here I am about to start a new business venture that will no doubt absorb huge amounts of time and energy to get it up and running ...

In an average week I flip from scared silly to excited when I consider the bits and pieces we are pulling together under the banner of Highland Grounds.

On the upside, I've pulled together a talented team of people who have been helping me move forward from the pie in the sky dream of opening a Fair Trade Coffee shop, to actually making this dream a reality.

Ms H and her circle of friends have been a big part of the creativity and energy that has helped envision the space, and the concept that Highland Grounds will be. They even helped craft the name that will soon emblazon the historic Duncan Block in downtown Flesherton!

Wayne and Linda have entered my life as friends, and their creativity and vision have given me so much ... colleague and friend Mark has been enlisted to harness his wood working skills to provide disctinctive one-of-a-kind furnishings that will give our Shop character and flavour ...

Graham has come on board with his trademark giggle and a willingness to see this dream to reality ...

There have been moments when I've been ready to thrown in the towel and just admit that I'm in way over my head ... but in those moments a faint glimmer of hope has broken through and the right person has offered the right advice, guidance and inspiration to get me out of the 'blahs' I may find myself in, and moving forward.

There is still A LOT of work to be done, and despite more then a few set backs and mis-steps, I feel more confident today about what lies ahead then I have in a very very very long time.

I don't think this will suddenly be an easy carefree endeavour. But I feel blessed and fortunate to have assembled a team of people who have shared their talents, their enthusiasm and their support in moving this dream into reality. Looking ahead, I have a talented and capable team of folks (adults and teens) who have expressed an interest in stepping up and backing the Highland Grounds logo when the door finally opens. They share the dream and want to be part of it, and I feel deeply blessed for their willingness and ability to join in the fray.

No one knows what the future will hold, and I can't even offer a firm date on when we will turn the key on our new venture, but I know it WILL happen, and when it does, it will offer Flesherton and the Grey Highlands a great place to gather and enjoy a quality beverage surrounded by people who share the knowledge that our world can be made a better place ONE CUP OF COFFEE AT A TIME!!!!

Stay tuned ... more updates WILL follow!!!

The Long and Winding Road ...

In recent months I've moved from being an obsessive blogger to being an occassional blogger to spending weeks not blogging at all ... it's not that I don't have things to reflect and muse on, it's just I've been feeling SO overwhelmed by life, the universe and everything that I have opted to spend my downtime playing pointless online and computer games rather then reading, writing or blogging ...

Gearing up for the opening of my dream of a Fair Trade Coffee Shop and retail outlet in Flesherton called Highland Grounds, and ALL of the work that has entailed has absorbed enormous amounts of my already precious spare time ... along the way a full time job, being a parent, traveling to and fro for hockey, and just trying to keep up with life has kept me too busy. Many days I want to be left alone. I don't want to talk on the phone, I don't want to answer emails, I just want to lie in my bed and simply be.

Looking back, I understand what has been going on ... since January 2011 when Mom died, followed too quickly by Mr Baumbach, Scott and Indigo, I have been left reeling ... I barely had time to catch my breath and wipe away my tears before another significant person in my life died ... as as I grieved, so too did my children ... and they needed me for support, while I struggled just to keep moving forward ...

My habit of stubbornly putting my head down and simply ploughing forward helped get through the mess I found myself in, but did little to address the burdens I was carrying, or the sorrow I was experiencing ... "I'm fine" became my defensive position and I kept more to myself then I care to admit to ...

Looking back, I can say clearly I was far from fine.

There is much I wish I could unwind and re-do ... but life seldom gives us that opportunity.

Instead we keep moving forward, ask for forgiveness where we can, and learn from our bruises with the hope (sometimes in vain) that we'll learn from our mistakes and perhaps avoid the same actions in the future.

This past two weeks, my health crashed in a way I haven't experienced since the deep dark days in Bella Coola that helped me see then, that it was time to seek a change in Pastoral Relations before the ebbs and flows consumed me and did more damage to people and a place I valued ... This time around my crash has been purely and totally about exhaustion,

I've gone too long doing too much and not looking after myself, all the while saying "I'm fine."

Last week whatever bug that hit me, managed to prove the falseness of that claim.

Now after nine LONG days of being sick, I am feeling better. I am far from 100%, but I'm feeling much better then I have in the last week.

I am on the verge of Holy Week - the most exhausting and exhilarating week in our Church calender - and I am not sure where my energy levels will be. But, from where I stand right now, I know that as I have 20 times previously, (with one notable year I was sidelined!!), I will get through the events and happenings. Over the last three years the dark shadowy corners we speak of in Holy Week have been deeply personal places where my grief and sorrow has been real and sharp ... thankfully though, the intent of our Easter Journey is not to sit forever in those dark shadowy corners, but to continue from the suffering and dying to a place where we stand blinking in the sun of a new morning proclaiming the power of the Resurrection.

If I were to describe where I sit today, I would say it is like sitting on the hillside on Easter Saturday as the sun is setting ... I've come to grips with the suffering and the dying ... I've lingered in the quietness of the graveyard ... I've know the depth of loss that has unfolded and overwhelmed us ... and yet, in the quiet setting of the sun I also KNOW that something extraordinary is about to unfold ... something transformative is about to be revealed ...

Easter is about daring to journey into the dark and shadowy places knowing that God is with us and that together we WILL stand blinking in the sun feeling the power and warmth of the Resurrection ...

It's a journey made one step at a time ... we will always have mis-steps and moments when we want to sit and weep ... but in time we will be able to look back at our travels through the deep, dark valleys and realize how much brighter and better things are getting ...

... this is the path of faith we are called to follow ... a path of life, love and laughter!