Comfort foods ...

I haven't blogged much lately ... I haven't really done much lately beyond work.
Between full time hours in ministry, and more than full time hours at the coffee shop and everything else I cram in my days, I find very little time for things like blogging ...

I miss it ... I miss getting caught up on the blogs of my friends both near and far ... but most of all I miss the mental exercise that blogging has been for me ... my blog has been my sanctuary where I could struggle with things, rage against the cosmos, weep, dance, celebrate and be myself ...

I suppose I can still do that, but it is harder with so many demands upon my time, and so few things that truly bring me a sense of enjoyment and release ...

Right now, 11 1/2 months into running Highland Grounds I am exhausted ... I've put hours and hours and hours into creating an amazing place for people to gather ... I'm thrilled with the team we've assembled and the incredible array of talents and abilities I've watched shared in the last few months, but I'm exhausted ... I know that too will change, but for the moment it colours much of my world ...

Thankfully, I have three beautiful children who are making the journey into adulthood working alongside their dad in this quirky place we've created ... I am in a good pastoral charge that cares for and cares about me, and has walked through some deep dark times with me ... and I am richly blessed despite the many losses I've experienced in the last few years.

I wish I could say without hesitation that "it really gets better" but this has been a long and arduous road, and it has gotten better only incrementally. Along the way, I've celebrated as friends and acquaintances have picked up the pieces of their lives and found the ability to dance with joy again ... I truly hope that will happen ... but I'm honestly not sure ... I put in each day as it comes ... I do my best to think positive and to keep moving forward ... but I really am not sure about much any more ...

I look back through this blog and laugh and weep at the path I've trod ... I've lost some tremendous people from my life, and at times I feel so utterly alone ... while other times I feel fortunate to have had the journey I've had ...

My life has changed so much since I first sat down to write my first entry ... some good, some bad ... all of it shaping and changing me into the person I am today ... who I will be tomorrow is still an unknown - but for now I will put one foot in front of the other and keep moving ...

For the moment, we keep journeying forward ... enjoying fair trade coffee and continuing to do what it is I have been called to do ... the rest is in the hands of the cosmos ... dayenu!!!!