With only a few regrets ...

The clock is ticking ... my house has been listed for sale for over two months ... we've had dozens of showings, and folks through at open houses - but still no offers ... I've traded in a tired van that needed more repairs then I could justify ... and so now I stand in a place of limbo and active waiting ...

I start my new call in less than 2 weeks ... and right now I am on the verge of homelessness ... until the Brandon house sells, I can't do anything about getting a house in Ontario. Even finding a shortish term rental has proven challenging ...

So, with great uncertainty and more than a little apprehension, I continue to sort, pack, discard and ready myself for the big move without any idea about where I will hang my hat when I get there ... such is the journey I trod at times ...

The great sadness that hangs over me today is knowing that shortly I will hug Beetle one last time before she heads west and I head east, and my contact with her becomes sporadic and electronic ... I will miss her deeply.

I also grieve the way in which the chapter of my life that has been WestMan closes. I arrived her almost 10 years ago with great anticipation and hopefulness about what was ahead ... I leave quietly with absolutely no fanfare, and only a few voices saying "good bye" ... instead most snarl a "good riddance" and hope that the toxic status quo can be reclaimed and life can continue on uninterrupted.

I've spent the last few weeks reading numerous books on Church Leadership, Transition, Church Abuse, and Ministry to the Margins and over and over find myself shaking my head at the complete inability of the leadership of the United Church across Manitoba to look critically and honestly at the lay of the land, and to grapple FAITHFULLY with the issues that is faced. Cutting a ribbon on a new church that has lost its soul and driven away good and faithful people doesn't make thing 'all better' nor does it bring anything resembling healing ... Yet, voices will tell me to "move on" and to keep my opinions to myself because it is easier that way than confronting toxic people ...

With a heavy sigh, I will next week load the final box in my truck, put Flute and Oboe in the backseat and start heading East on the TransCanada wondering how different the outcome could have been if the "powers that be" had HONESTLY dealt with the 333/363 report that began by identifying 'many longstanding issues' in the life of a Church instead of simply dumping them on my shoulders and pushing me out of the gates like a good scapegoat.

I wonder how much better things would be today if instead of pretending I was the sole problem in Minnedosa, the people who had the means of addressing issues there had held others responsible and had apportioned the blame and the responsibility equally??

I will also wonder if, in 10 years when the cycle repeats itself and another clergy colleague joins myself and at least four others who have been driven out in the last 30 years, if the remnant of the Church that will be left in WestMan will finally see the truth of my warnings, and instead of telling me to "move on", "get over it", and "let it go", will instead have the courage to say:

"Oops, guess we were wrong!!"

I look forward to the new opportunities before me in a place that has take seriously the need for congregational accountability, and being honest about the dysfunctions that lurk in Church Life. Rather than simply blaming the minister, rather than driving the stranger out and pretending 'everything is fine now' they've wrestled with their shadowy demons, and worked at being a people of the Resurrection.

Before I accepted the call I asked the simple question of both the search committee and people in the presbytery (a question I should have asked of Minnedosa before I came) - "do they really want to attract people from the margins, and folks that have wandered off? Or are they simply saying the right words, but have absolutely NO INTEREST in having these people come?"

The answer thankfully has been "YES, they really want this ..." from both the Search Committee, AND from the folks in Presbytery who know the Church. And one colleague went so far as to suggest that my gifts and abilities would be a good match this time ...

So instead of arriving in a Congregation who says the right words, and has NO DESIRE to live them out, I am hopefully heading to a Pastoral Charge who have been in their own wilderness, and are ready to come home ... They, like me, know the sting of conflict and rejection, and instead of slapping on a happy face and saying - "it's all better now!" they are ready to do the work we are called to do ... and I am fortunate and blessed that they have had the courage and the faithfulness to call me into Covenant with them ...

The Church in some places will die.
In some places it MUST die before the Spirit can begin the needed revival.

I weep for those who yearn for something more but who find their ambitions and hopes crushed under the heels of those who are not interested in being faithful yet cling to places of leadership despite attitudes and abilities that hurt and hinder the Church when it is most vulnerable.

Fortunately, this is not OUR Church - it is God's Church, and like prophetic voices across the millenia counsel us - GOD WILL NOT BE THWARTED !! We can build our safe status quo edifices, and hide inside and lock the doors and pretend everything is good and okay and fine ... but God's calling is about dynamic, life altering change and despite our best efforts to the contrary the doors will one day be kicked in, and The Spirit will pour through our safe secure corners and we WILL BE CHANGED !!!!

Until then, I can look in the mirror and KNOW that I have, despite my mistakes, strived in all things to be faithful and true to my calling as a Minister of the Gospel. Not a 'warm pink fuzzy, namby pamby comfortable social club type of faith' but the Gospel that afflicts the comfortable and comforts the afflicted - a Gospel that calls us to transform the World into the Kingdom of God.

Until then, I head off into the unknown, certain in the knowledge that those people who understand what faith really is, and what the Church is truly called to be have stood by me through thick and thin, and will be amongst the small cluster of folks who offer a heartfelt "bye" when I pull out of WestMan next week ... and when I look at that small cluster of faithful folks I can smile at the knowledge that God did an amazing thing with 11 fear-filled men hiding in an upper room a few hundred years ago ...

We are after all, people of the Resurrection and when God is on your side transformation is INEVITABLE.