I'd rather be ATV'ing ...

I'm sitting in my office getting caught up on paper work, computer updates, newletters and a variety of other things that had slipped to the bottom of the pile ... while I value a grey, rainy day as much as the next person to finally tackle the ever growing '2 Do' list that seems to be an inevitable part of ministry, I would by far rather be doing something else ...

I would love to be out in the Bush ATV'ing, and exploring more of the 59 acres that Scott dearly loved, and that I have come to appreciate more and more each time I spend time there ...

I would love to be home curled up on the bed reading one of the many books that are in the pile of 'to read' selections on the floor beside the bed, or down in my study ...

Or, I would love to just be sitting listening to the rain patter down with a mug of tea ...

I think one of the reasons for this laissez faire attitude has been the updating of the Church Webpage, and the inevitable look back that happens when you edit and change something that has been untouched for over six months !! You begin to think about ALL the things that have happened since you last visited, and you begin to wax a tad nostalgic about what has gone on ...

I found myself looking back, not only over the last six months, but over the last year and a bit that have elapsed since I arrived here ... I have often used Dickens' opening line from 'A Tale of Two Cities' when I pen my year end reflection for the AGM reports as minister. But looking back on 2011, I can't help but think that for the first time those words "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times ..." ring far too true.

There are moments lately when I feel overwhelmed with sadness at the realization that Mom and Scott are gone, and I am left to clean up what remains of their earthly legacy.

Some days are easier than others, while some days are incredibly hard just to get through ... Over the last ten months (and yes, it is hard to believe it has been THAT long), I have had good days and bad days and everything in between. I have wanted to pick up the phone and ask mom something, or share a bit of good news with her, and I've struggled with feelings of anger at the realization that I can't do that any more ...

I miss them. I miss Mr Baumbach, and I miss Indigo ... losing the four of them in such short order made for a hard start to 2011, and I still struggle to make sense of it all.

Intellectually, I know ALL of this is a normal part of the journey ... but it is in moments like this that my heart and my head are on two very different planes. And when that happens, I would rather be off doing something like ATV'ing in the Bush, exploring the beautiful corner of creation that Scott wisely bought some 20 years ago and has left for us as his legacy and his gift ...