Wednesday, November 02, 2011

All Saints and All Hallow's Eve ...

I realized today I haven't been blogging much in the last year ... I have posted periodically about things, but my regular blogging has fallen away, replaced by the periodic visit to see what's new on the blogs I follow, and instead I tend to post my thoughts on facebook instead.

I can't really offer an apology for that, because there isn't really anything to apologize for.

I just haven't been compelled to blog.
I haven't been compelled to read much lately either.

Most days I just plug along trying to keep the ghost and memories at bay, and trying to focus on the tasks at hand.

Some days I do well. Some days I don't do quite as well. But every day I try to get through it.

This year my birthday came, and for the first time since I started this blog I missed it. I was just too busy doing other things to take time to post here. On Sunday we had a fabulous gathering of family out at Scott's Bush. We roasted marshmallows, played on the ATV's and walked through the bush that was as my cousin Michael observed "Scott's sanctuary."

Then on Monday we decorated the yard in an hour and a half for the tricker treater's, and had pizza for dinner.

All in all it was a good way to celebrate my birthday, but as I crawled into bed that night I realized that I was deeply missing two important pieces of my birthday celebrations over the last fifteen years ... This year there was no call from Indigo, and no call from my mom ... I went to bed very aware of their absence, and grieving their loss.

There would be no more calls from my brother saying "It's your brother ... you know - Scott" (he always said it more like a question than a statement - like I have another brother somewhere!!)

There would be no more calls from Indigo wishing me a Happy Birthday on the date we share.

And there would be no more rambling two hour calls from Mom filling me in on all the minutiae of life, the universe and family happenings.

While on one level it is no big deal, on another level it is another reminder of how many losses I've tallied this year ...

I went to bed reminded of those losses, but woke up the next morning knowing that Halloween gives way each year to All Saints, and with All Saints comes the reminder that those souls we've lost in this life are with us in the next.

All Saints is about the great cloud of witnesses that the medieval scholars spoke of so eloquently. But it is about so much more ... All Saints reminds us to celebrate the legacy and lessons that our departed saints have left for us.

My Mom, Laverne Baumbach, Scott, and Indigo have ALL taught me much in my journey, and even though they are gone from our lives, they are not fully nor completely gone ... they and the impressions and lessons they left remain ... I miss them, but I truly haven't forgotten them.

This year I have come to appreciate All Saints in a WHOLE new way.

And for the Saints and their lives among us, I am deeply thankful ... for such is the path of faith.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It is hard to feel those losses, but it is a reminder that they thought of you on your special day. You were surrounded by others who love you and that is a wonderful gift:)