135 ... 136 ... 137 ... 138 ... and One ...

==
==

From Left to right:
Sgt. George Miok aged 28,
Pte. Garrett William Chidley aged 21,
Sgt. Kirk Taylor aged 28,
and
Cpl. Zachery McCormack aged 21
were killed in a bomb blast on Wednesday in Afghanistan.
-
-

-
-
Also killed in the blast,
Calgary Herald journalist
Michelle Lang aged 34.
.
Thoughts and prayers for the families of the fallen,
for their comrades,
for their co-workers,
for the wounded,
and
for those, who enter this New Year
bearing the grief of loss ...
.
May 2010 move us closer to PEACE.
May it be so ...
... Lest we forget!

One year ends ... another begins ...

The year and the decade draw to a close, and it's time for resolutions and setting goals for the journey ahead ... people will promise to watch what they eat, exercise more, eat less, lose weight, volunteer more often ... and so on ...

For me my resolutions are more humble and grounded ... I resolve for 2010, to get up and face each day and keep moving forward ... I put 2009 behind me, along with the pain and trauma that has been the last decade of my life ... while I hold to the good bits that have remained with me, I resolve to leave behind the hurt and loss that has marked much of the journey from the beginning of the new millenium ...

In the coming year I want to find full time employment and no longer have to worry about having enough part time gigs to keep a roof over my head and food on my table.

In the coming year I will give back to Samaritan House the kindness and care they have shown me and my family as we've struggled to make ends meet ... the treat of day old bread and out of date sugary treats has meant much, as has having a place to go and vent and be loved while laughing and savouring life with those who know what it's like to stand on the margins ...

In the coming year I will not over look my circle of friends, and the astounding, beautiful people I have been blessed with ...

In the coming year I will continue to write for the publications who have supported me in following that dream, and I will put to paper the stories that have for too long rolled around inside of me waiting to be shared ...

In the coming year I will finally finish my Thesis and move out of my living room the enormous pile of articles and books that has swamped my coffee table and desk for too long ...

In the coming year I will intentionally build and dream of a future that is bright and that will take from the safety of my little compartmentalized boxes to a place where anything is possible, and where laughter and companionship are very real and very present ...

In the coming year I will pause to give thanks for the moment and the people who are in it, and like an old friend said over and over - I'll learn to live, love and laugh now instead of when I grow old ...

In the coming year, I will continue in ministry, both here and in whatever places are opened to me by the Spirit ... The Gospel is waiting to be shared, and the hunger for something more than the status quo is real and if the Institution that is the Church is too busy trying to defend and preserve itself it is up to the prophetic voices called by God to carry that message forward and to be the agent of change needed in our world ... it may be in the United Church ... it may not ... I don't know for sure right now ... but I DO KNOW I have been CALLED to ministry, and I will continue to respond to that call wherever I may be ...

In the coming year, I will look after myself better and lower my blood pressure and lose the weight that I've packed on AND by this time next year be in a better place physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually ...

In the coming year, I will remember to tell those who important to me that I love them, and I appreciate their presence in my life, even when I'm having a hissy fit or as Ms. H. may say - "taking a spazz" ...

I'm very fortunate and blessed. Despite the losses I've experienced in the last few years, I've gained so much more ... In the coming year I will endeavour to live my life accordingly ...

So with my thanks to my circle of family that includes Noahkila, Ms. H, Beetle and thier mother M, and that has expanded to include the lovely L and her boy Halo-warrior I say "thank you and God Bless as the old year ends and the New Year begins ..."

Cheers for 2010 !!!

Today perhaps the light at the tunnel really ISN'T an approaching train ... time will tell !!

Too Funny ... "who's the guy in the white toque??"

The jist of the story is a woman was trying to take a picture of her kids with the Olympic Torch while it made one of it visit/stops in Southern Ontario. She was trying to use her husband's blackberry and in frustration said out loud - "can somebody help me with this stupid blackberry?"

A gentleman stepped up and said he knew a thing or two about them and tried to help ...

It was only later that the woman found out that the gentleman coming to her assistance was none other than Research in Motion CEO Jim Balsillie who obviously knows more than just a little bit about Blackberrys ...

Too funny ... gave me my morning chuckle ... check out the story here on the KW Record website.

McNally Robinson Booksellers ...

It's a bookstore with class, and with a commitment to the city from which it has arisen ... McNally Robinson Booksellers ranks amongst my top five book stores in Canada. Though my list of book stores is populated by small independent bookstores that offer highly personalized service, for selection McNally Robinson is simply second to NONE ...

Most of our trips into Winnipeg over the last 10 years have ended with a stop at their Grant Park location before heading westward down the highway ... Noahkila, Ms H. and Beetle have ALL loved climbing the spiral stairs and hanging out in the childrens' section. Over the years many tomes in our library have originated in this wonderful Winnipeg based company.

CBC today has reported the heartbreaking news that the company has applied for bankruptcy protection and is closing its Polo Park and Toronto locations (click here for the story) ... while the company will hopefully survive - it is a loss that I for one feel personally. The new Polo Park location has become a favoured stop on Winnipeg trips, and though we will continue to patronize the Grant Park locale, losing locations and watching a fine book store company suffer is just plain hard.

When one of the Harry Potter books was launched amid a HUGE party at McNally Robinson's Grant Park location, we went to Winnipeg and booked a hotel room so we could join in the fun ... but 1:30 am, with the kids in full meltdown, and entry to the store still an hour away, we bailed and headed to our hotel room, carrying two immensely disappointed little people who wanted to frolick in "Hogwarts" like they had been reading about for weeks ...

The next morning we read a story in the Winnipeg Free Press touting the success of the party and how "no child went home disappointed ..." I sent a short email to the writer and noted that we went home disappointed because we simply couldn't wait any longer ...

My email was forwarded to Holly McNally and she replied with an apology. Then a week later a parcel arrived in the mail from McNally Robinson with a PERSONAL apology note from Holly McNally to Noahkila, Ms. H. and Beetle for their disappointment, and three wizard gifts for them as her way of saying "sorry."

Not only did it reveal the character of the people behind this company, it cemented our commitment as family to that Book Seller.

I honestly hope that McNally Robinson can restructure and survive and continue to be the amazing bookstore and company that it is. Trips to Winnipeg just wouldn't be the same without them ...

and the memories flow ...

It started yesterday when my mom told me something had happened ... but even she didn't know what it was ... we both promised to call if we learned something ...

Today news came ... my cell rang and I heard a voice I hadn't spoken with in almost 20 years ... she filled me in on what was enveloping her family ...

I wept ... I offered my condolances ... I offered my prayers ... I choked back the tears as I said good bye ...

I closed my cell and cried bitter tears of anger ...

It shouldn't have happened ... it didn't need to happen ... but it did, and none of us could change it ... and it was profoundly sad, and overwhelmingly tragic ...

... and then in my tears came the memories ... dripping like the tears falling on my cheeks ... one by one they fell into mind, leaving me smiling amid the sadness ... laughing in spite of the anger ... chuckling as I remembered and relived the moments ...

He had a way of saying - "Jesus Christ," that left you laughing ... and he'd lift his chin and smile as he said - "What?" to your response ...

Constantly in motion, he wore a cheeky grin no matter what was happening ...

We'd worked together, played together, drank together, and formed a bond of friendship that for a time was more like brothers, then neighbour, co-worker or friend ... we had our moments ... times when we raged at each other in bitter anger, threw temper tantrums and objects ... but in time, like all good storms, the tempest would pass and in the calm aftermath we would rekindle the friendship and forget the past ...

I remember the jokes ... the laughter ... listening to music ... celebrating small achievements, and shaking our heads in bewliderment at life's set backs ...

There were days we didn't like each other much ... and days we were inseperable ...

He was chased by his demons, and too often took to the bottle to numb the pain he wouldn't speak of ... but even then, with only a few notable exceptions, his disposition remained sunny and cheery, and he was always one to laugh, even when dark clouds closed in and life took a turn ...

He was many things ... but most of all he was a friend ...

And learning of his untimely death brought a rush of emotions and memories back to me ... and over it all I could hear his voice and see his face ... a crooked, cheeky grin, a ball cap perched on his thinning hair, he glanced to his right, then his left and raised his chin as he said - "Jeeesssus Christ, can you believe it ??"

And my answer, with tears in my eyes is simply - NO I CAN'T.

Rest in Peace my friend ... and may God bless you, as you have blessed those of us lucky enough to know you ... I love Purse like a brother ... and I for one will not only never forget you, I will miss you ...

A Christmas Favourite ... The Generations Meet !!

.
.
.
.
This is one of my favourite Christmas Songs ... I love the blend of musical eras ... the old and the new meet and their voices blend BEAUTIFULLY!!!

Merry Christmas !!!

134

30 year old Prince Rupert BC native,
Lt. Andrew Nuttall
of the
1st Battalion Prince Patricia Canadian Light Infantry,
based in Edmonton Alberta,
died on Wednesday
along with an Afghani soldier
when an IED denonated
in the Panjwii district.

Thoughts and prayers for his family,
his comrades, and for the family in Afghanistan
who this day are mourning the fallen.

Lest we forget ...

Lt. Andrew Nuttall

One of my favourite Christmas songs ...

Contribution to the Wheat City (Westman) Journal ...

.

As the Christmas Season draws ever closer, and we're surrounded by the merry sounds of shopping and consumerism run amock ... it's a good time to pause and remember that for some the financial burdens and the frustrations are pushing them to the breaking point ... I'm learning this first hand ...

My latest column in the WheatCity/WestMan Journal - click here.

Every penny counts ...

"Get a job ..."

.

"People chose to be poor ..."

.

"Make better choices ..."

.

"It's my money. I worked hard for it ..."

.

"I remember when I had to go through a similar thing ..."

.

Any of these statements sound familiar??

.

The comments made in response to poverty, homelessness, and the struggles that too many people are experiencing today are almost uncountable ... If we had a penny for every judgemental statement offered about the state of affairs in our society today, we could easily eradicate hunger and poverty ...

.

Our Government committed to eradicating child poverty in Canada by the year 2000 ... today mere days from 2010, we KNOW that child poverty is worse now then it was twenty years ago when the commitment was made. This morning on CBC Winnipeg Harvest head David Northcott stated that last year 5 000 children in Winnipeg needed food support through Harvest and its affiliated outreach programmes - today that number sits at a breath-taking 18 000!!!

.

I know that since I first arrived in Manitoba in 2000 the number of Food Banks has increased, with more and more food support agencies forming in smaller and smaller communities ... and the actual need has also gone up. Today in Manitoba, food bank use is 20% higher then it was last year at this time ... the numbers are simply and utterly devestating ...

.

In an era when shopping malls are full, and people are touting the recovery from the recession, we are hearing that over 20% of our population REQUIRE food help ... and it's not just the chronically unemployed, or those who are trapped in the social safety nets, NOW the people stepping through the doors of places like Winnipeg Harvest and Samaritan House and the countless other Food Banks across our country, include ever increasing numbers of people who are working - who, to quote David Northcott - "Are doing EVERYTHING right, but can't make ends meet".

.

And still poverty, hunger and homelessness remains OFF the radar of our national political parties. Instead of dealing with THIS ISSUE, our Government is hiding behind the economy and our soldiers and not being upfront nor honest with us ... and in the meantime more and more children are being forced to rely on charitable organizations to satiate the hunger pangs that they are living with ... in the meantime, hope is beginning to ebb away for more and more people who are finding it increasingly difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel ... in the meantime, the lines at Food Banks and soup kitchens and homeless shelters get longer and longer ...

.

And in this Advent Season, we can't help but wonder WHY????

.

Yet, in even vocalizing the question, the answer is frighteningly apparent ... a long time ago I remember in a Bible Study group saying that we could deal with hunger and poverty if EVERYONE gave up ONE cup of coffee a day and donated that dollar to a charity that helps people turn around their lives ... one dollar a day - 365 dollars a year ... in a church of 100 people that $36 500 dollars, that can be leveraged to 10 or 20 times that amount by groups like Winnipeg Harvest ... one dollar a day to put 365 000 dollars worth of food, care, support and HELP into our community.

.
Sounds reasonable to me ...

.

The response in the Bible Study was scary ... "That's outrageous! I've worked hard for my money, and I don't want to support someone who doesn't want to work ..."

.

And this came from the lips of an esteemed Church leader, who had served at every level of the Church, and who took pride in being involved in The Church ... they stood in their Pharisaic splendour that day, failing to see the unfaithfulness of thier cold heartedness ...

.

Looking back, and looking around, I realize that there are regretably more Pharisees than I care to think about ...

.

The challenge before us - as people of FAITH - is to be aware that the needs are real, and they are largely caused by factors beyond the control of those standing in lines seeking help for food, shelter and security ... the system is broken, and just because the powers that be, and those who support them, and the many people comfortable in their lives can't, won't or REFUSE to see the brokenness doesn't mean it is untrue ...

.

We've grown comfortable in our complacency, especially IN The Church ... in this Advent Season it is time to remember the discomfort that figures like John brought to the early stirrings that became the Church ... the Christmas Message is simultaneously warm and welcoming as well as sharp and discomforting ... John and Jesus stand side by side this advent Season ... the babe in the manger grew up and become a prophet of God, calling people to faithfulness ... and sometimes we stand in the light of that judgement ...

.

It's easy to offer excuses ... it's harder to live our faith ...

.

Excuses feed no one ... faith demands we care for others ...

.

Kind of a stark "what would Jesus do?" moment isn't it ??

been busy ... been thinking ... been reading ...

I feel like I should post an apology of sorts for not having blogged much lately ... I've been online at Facebook - mainly tending my Farmville farm ... yes, I'll admit to my farmville addiction !?!? - but I haven't been online here much ...

.

There's a myriad of reasons ... one has been creating play shields, swords and daggers for a Craft Sale that Noahkila's choirs were hosting last Saturday at his high school ... I frantically prepared twelve shields (like the one above), twelve swords and a handful of daggers along with some photo note cards, and an inventory of fair trade coffee ... the end result was four hours spent tending a table for less than $20 in sales ... man ... talk about disheartening ...

.

I've also been busy forwarding resumes and applications to jobs far and near in the hopes of finding some secure employment SOON ...

.

I've been doing a research position for BU's Rural Development Department ...

AND, I've been doing reading and research on my Masters of Rural Development Thesis (YES, I'm gonna get this baby birthed before the spring thaw!!!!) ...

.

So, my calendar has been full ... my bank account has been EMPTY ... and my path has been about moving forward day by day ... some days have been positive and up-lifting, but too many of my days have been disheartening and depressing ... But, as I've said a million times to others - "it's ALL about moving forward ... one step, one moment, and one breath at a time ..."

.

I know that one day things will finally turn around, and I will find myself in a better place ... but I can not, nor will I ignore the simple fact that it is incredibly disheartening to send off dozens of applications and resumes and hear NOTHING back ... it is disheartening and debilitating to be rejected by a Church you've spent your adult life living and serving ... it's depressing and hope denying to watch as every dime you've set aside and saved is needed just to stay slightly ahead of the game ... and there are no words to describe what it feels like to be kicked over and over and over ... when you gather your strength to start the long climb back up from what you think is pretty much as low as you can go, to suddenly have yet another curve thrown your way that knocks you down another peg or three ... it is indescribable ...

.

Fortunately, I have the support and care of a fabulous circle of friends, both near and far ... I have the care of my newly found colleagues in my adopted denomination ... and my faith has led me to an oasis of peace that allows me to take serious stock of what I still have, and value those people, and those things in my life that I might otherwise over look ...

.

And with a deep breath, I put one foot in front of the other and like the poet Ann Weems said:

.

Some of us walk into Advent tethered to our unresolved yesterdays,

the pain still stabbing,

the hurt still throbbing.

It's not that we don't know better,

it's just that we can't stand up anymore by ourselves ...

.

On the way to Bethlehem,

will you give us a hand?

.

Along the way, I've marvelled at the depth of care that has been offered by the United Church and my colleagues ... rather than offering any kind of pastoral care, I've met rejection, judgement, and BLAME ... it's truly remarkable.
.
Fortunately, like Gordon Turner and J. Russell Hale before him, have shown us - sometimes the most faithful people are the UnChurched who have been left outside looking in ... I've found my oasis amongst those who the "good" church people want nothing to do with ...

.

This Advent, I've been reminded that the Good News of Bethlehem is for EVERYONE, not just the comfortable chosen few who huddle inside the sanctuaries and reject those who are prickly, irritating and outspoken ...

.

Well ... back to my real life ... the bills await ... and I have a spare room to ready for my Christmas House Guests who arrive soon !!!!!

.

I'll be back to Blogging eventually - but for now, survival comes first ...

.

Peace y'all !