been busy ... been thinking ... been reading ...

I feel like I should post an apology of sorts for not having blogged much lately ... I've been online at Facebook - mainly tending my Farmville farm ... yes, I'll admit to my farmville addiction !?!? - but I haven't been online here much ...

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There's a myriad of reasons ... one has been creating play shields, swords and daggers for a Craft Sale that Noahkila's choirs were hosting last Saturday at his high school ... I frantically prepared twelve shields (like the one above), twelve swords and a handful of daggers along with some photo note cards, and an inventory of fair trade coffee ... the end result was four hours spent tending a table for less than $20 in sales ... man ... talk about disheartening ...

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I've also been busy forwarding resumes and applications to jobs far and near in the hopes of finding some secure employment SOON ...

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I've been doing a research position for BU's Rural Development Department ...

AND, I've been doing reading and research on my Masters of Rural Development Thesis (YES, I'm gonna get this baby birthed before the spring thaw!!!!) ...

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So, my calendar has been full ... my bank account has been EMPTY ... and my path has been about moving forward day by day ... some days have been positive and up-lifting, but too many of my days have been disheartening and depressing ... But, as I've said a million times to others - "it's ALL about moving forward ... one step, one moment, and one breath at a time ..."

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I know that one day things will finally turn around, and I will find myself in a better place ... but I can not, nor will I ignore the simple fact that it is incredibly disheartening to send off dozens of applications and resumes and hear NOTHING back ... it is disheartening and debilitating to be rejected by a Church you've spent your adult life living and serving ... it's depressing and hope denying to watch as every dime you've set aside and saved is needed just to stay slightly ahead of the game ... and there are no words to describe what it feels like to be kicked over and over and over ... when you gather your strength to start the long climb back up from what you think is pretty much as low as you can go, to suddenly have yet another curve thrown your way that knocks you down another peg or three ... it is indescribable ...

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Fortunately, I have the support and care of a fabulous circle of friends, both near and far ... I have the care of my newly found colleagues in my adopted denomination ... and my faith has led me to an oasis of peace that allows me to take serious stock of what I still have, and value those people, and those things in my life that I might otherwise over look ...

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And with a deep breath, I put one foot in front of the other and like the poet Ann Weems said:

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Some of us walk into Advent tethered to our unresolved yesterdays,

the pain still stabbing,

the hurt still throbbing.

It's not that we don't know better,

it's just that we can't stand up anymore by ourselves ...

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On the way to Bethlehem,

will you give us a hand?

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Along the way, I've marvelled at the depth of care that has been offered by the United Church and my colleagues ... rather than offering any kind of pastoral care, I've met rejection, judgement, and BLAME ... it's truly remarkable.
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Fortunately, like Gordon Turner and J. Russell Hale before him, have shown us - sometimes the most faithful people are the UnChurched who have been left outside looking in ... I've found my oasis amongst those who the "good" church people want nothing to do with ...

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This Advent, I've been reminded that the Good News of Bethlehem is for EVERYONE, not just the comfortable chosen few who huddle inside the sanctuaries and reject those who are prickly, irritating and outspoken ...

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Well ... back to my real life ... the bills await ... and I have a spare room to ready for my Christmas House Guests who arrive soon !!!!!

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I'll be back to Blogging eventually - but for now, survival comes first ...

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Peace y'all !