At the end of the day ...

It's funny how things turn out sometimes ...

One Friday I mused on gossip and the effect and outcome that it has had, not only in my life, but in the lives of those friends I have been surrounded with. In the blog entry "Lessons from my Totem" I shared a letter I had recieved in the mail that day that offered sage wisdom on the impact Gossip and how to face and overcome it ...

Then on Friday night as I was getting ready for bed I picked up the Al-anon book "Courage to Change" I read the following words:

I remember others' unkind words vividly. Criticism sent me reeling. Snickers crippled me for days. It never occureed to me that I was being abused, or that the harsh words could be untrue. Everyone seemed to know just how wrong I was, and my identity was bound up in a knot of shame. My self-esteem sank lower and lower.

I in turn, treated others cruelly. I found it great fun to assault someone's character in the company of friends. For a fw minutes I felt better about myself - but not for long, and only at other people's expense. Gossip never enriched anyone's character. It was only an excuse to avoid focusing on myself.

Today's Reminder:
Many of us tend to react rather than act. When we hurt, we may want to strike out and hurt someone else. In Al-anon we learn that we can interrupt this automatic response long enough to decide how we really want to behave.

Someone else's unkindness is no reason for me to lower my standards for my own behaviour. When I take responsibility for my actions, regardless of what other people do, I become someone I can be proud of. When I feel good about myself, it's much easier NOT to take insults personally.

It would seem that the lessons of my totem continue ... and on Friday it came from MORE than one source ...

Now the challenge is to live those lessons and to help others being torn down by the senseless and malicious violence to the soul and self-esteem that Gossip represents.

The answer is BLOWING in the wind ...

Yesterday I watched a plastic bag from our local co-op blow down the street ... before I could nab it, it was gone ...

I couldn't help but wonder where it would end up ...

When I go biking in the country side surrounding our town, I find a wide assortment of plastic bottles, wrappers, bags and other assorted trash caught in the grass, bushes and trees along the roads, and more often than I care to think about I've watched a plastic bag roll across an open field like a modern tumbleweed ... All of it has been posited there by someone just idly tossing their trash to the ground, assuming it will take care of itself ...

Sadly, it does take care of itself, but NOT in a way that is at all environmentally friendly ...

The wind carries it out of sight ... but the problems are just beginning ...

Currently I'm reading the book "The World Without Us" by Alan Weisman wherein he contemplates what would happen on this blue-green planet if the human species suddenly and simply DISAPPEARED ... his thesis and his findings are startling. But what disturbed me was not so much the demise of the human species, but his chapter on what may perhaps be our most lasting legacy: PLASTICS !!

He cites findings by researchers and common citizens who have learned that plastic polymers (a modern invention) have not only overwhelmed the natural environment, but DO NOT break down ... Instead these polymers become smaller and smaller, and remain in the environment unchanged and unaltered ...

Weisman illustrates this frightening reality with the discovery by a sailor who found deep in the heart of the Pacific Ocean a place where the ocean currents don't flow and where thousands and thousands of tonnes of plastic waste has been posited in vast modern "kelp" beds ...

Weisman and those who are investigating and researching this disturbing occurrence point out that the BILLIONS of plastic shopping bags, the TRILLIONS of pieces of plastic wrap, and the uncountable plastic containers and packaging that we so casually toss aside each day as a species MUST end up somewhere ...

Some goes to land fill where it sits unaltered for a millenia ... some gets recycled into other plastic and rejoins the cycle of wastage ... some gets packed off somewhere, to be dealt with by someone else ... but too much is blown away by the wind and eventually ends up in plastic drifts in the fences and bush surrounding out communities and worst of all - it blows off into the vast oceans that surround our island habitat where in time it congeals in vast plastic beds that WILL destroy and devastate not only the marine environment, but the tiny blue-green planet we call home ...

Just because that plastic bag blows away in the wind doesn't mean it has gone away ... the stories of turtles, whales and other marine species dying from consuming plastic bags floating in the water and looking like OTHER marine life that they DO eat are legion ... If we truly care about the environment, even on the heart of the prairies ... we will begin to make BETTER choices ... and we WILL be careful about what we do with the wastes we generate ...

Our future as residents on this fragile planet depends upon it ...

THIS IS JUST SO WRONG !!!!!!

I've gotten used to advertising hanging over the facilities in public washrooms ... advertisements for trucking schools and towing companies are common in gas stations, warnings about alcohol and unprotected sex are normal in bars and nightclubs, and food advertisements are to be expected in malls, hockey rinks and public pools ... BUT today when I went into the facilities at the Wendy's in Brandon I was struck dumb by the poster hanging over the urinal in front of my nose ... Even though it is advertising menu items for the restaurant the location and the choice of wording offers a very different less than SUBLIMINAL message ...

This is SO wrong on so many levels:

Harry Potter and Headlines ...

This past week author J.K. Rowling revealed that the Headmaster of Hogwarts was Gay ... and the media flew into a frenzy of commentaries and speculations ... the religious right rose in indignation at the tainting of impressionable young minds and questions Dumbledore's relationship with young Harry ... and people began to speculate how such a "significant" detail could have been over looked, ... AND EVERYONE went looking for clues to this "revelation."
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Meanwhile ... the world carried on, and real life continued to unfold and be lived ... Everyone seemed to forget one simple fact in the midst of ALL of this ... and that is Harry Potter and the seven hugely successful books and five movies ARE FICTION !!!!!!

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Having said that, I can't help but think that our media is stretching for stories lately ... the major web sites have entire sections chronicling the antics of "STARS" like Britney, Paris, and who ever slithers onto the radar screen of pop culture ... and we get reams and reams of stories about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Even this morning on CBC's programme "The House" had listened questioning why our Government won't tackle the issue we're really concerned about - poverty, homelessness, loss of job, and the loss of security for those who are not in the 6 figure income group ... This past week I had an intense conversation with someone for whom the biggest issue facing us is Violence against women.

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He noted the coverage of the Pickton Trial in BC and said - "that should never have happened, but it was women who were his victims ... if he was killing men, it would have made headlines after the second woman went missing ..." I shared with him a conversation I had with one of the esteemed elders of a BC Church who during the time Police were identifying dozens of missing women on the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver looked at the photos on the Front Page of a Newspaper and said - "well, they're women who have chosen to live that kind of lifestyle ..."

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I've always wondered if she would feel that way if it was HER granddaughter missing from the streets of Vancouver ... or was it simply a case of women who were to be regarded as disposable because of their social background, because of their ethnicity, because of their addictions, or because they have been victims of violence since their lives began ...

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In Tomson Highway's works, Violence against Women is a dominant theme. His motivation has been the friendship with Helen Betty Osborne, the First Nations woman who died in The Pas in 1971, and for decades, her murder remained "un-solved" ... The scenes dealing with the casual nature of violence against Native Women in Kiss of the Fur Queen are devestatingly honest ... and utterly breath-taking (and NOT in a good way) ...

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I marvel though, at how our Media can focus SO much attention on something as completely and utterly irrelevant and unimportant as the sexuality of a figure in a book for children and youth ... I say "hear hear" to the revelations of Dumbledore's homosexuality - our children deserve to have literary figures who reflect the marvelous diversity of the HUMAN family. Reading about key figures in a story line like Harry Potter who are gay and lesbian is merely a reflection of the REAL world that we inhabit.

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Maybe as we teach our children values like tolerance and understanding and (heaven forbid) acceptance, we will begin to see the world change for the better ... THEN perhaps we will not only begin to talk about issues like poverty, homelessness, violence and the other REAL issues that grip us, maybe our children will finally do the task that we are failing to do - ADDRESSING THOSE ISSUES.

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If nothing else, the whole frenzy over Dumbledore's sexuality has shown us the shallowness of our media and their open reluctance to address and deal with the REAL issues that dog us ... AND the parallel reluctance of our Government to deal with the same issues ...

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Maybe one day we'll finally stand in a place where poverty, homelessness, violence and other such issues are addressed ... and we no longer hear dismissive sentiments about the deaths of women like Helen Betty Osborne, the women from the Downtown East side, or any of the victims of a violence that is an intolerable component of our world ... Instead of diverting our attention with the sexuality of characters in Childrens' Books, our media would better serve us by reminding us of WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT !!!

A Morning Visitor ...

This morning as I was sitting in the dining room working on my computer I heard a gawd-awful "thwack" on the back porch followed by a scrambling sound ... I went out to investigate and found a beautiful blue jay lying stunned beside the dog's food dishes ... his wings were splayed and he was laying with his (or her) beak open, head tilted and his eyes glazed ...

I carefully picked him up and carried him into the kitchen, cradling him in my hand ... I talked gently to him and stroked him on the back and front ... we sat quietly at the kitchen table with him sitting in my lap (no cats around - or revenge would have been swift and bloody - the scoldings our cats have taken my neighbourhood jays are no doubt remembered!!!) ...

Eventually he began to look around ... spread his wings ... flip his tail ...



Mere words can't describe how beautiful the iridecsent colours on his wings and body are ... and when he opened his tail it was simply breath-taking ... I've always loved Blue Jays (even the ball team!!) BUT I've never been able to look at one this closerly before !!

After 10 or fifteen minutes I carried him outside and he promptly hopped from my hand to the top of the barbeque ... then fluttered his wings and flew up into the trees on the south side of our property:

As I write this, he is higher up in the trees and has been calling quietly to his friends who are scolding him for his careless mis-adventure ... I'm left with a sense of awe at how beautiful this bird is up in the sky where he belongs, but how INCREDIBLY gorgeous he is close up ... and I'm glad he stopped by ... I think I'll wander up to the Hardware store and pick up some peanuts in case he decided to come by ... it's the least can do !!!

Another Glimpse of the Jay ...

He's hopped higher and higher in the tree ...

and a few minutes ago flew off to join his kin.

It was a lovely Friday Morning Interlude !!

Lessons from my Totem ...

I was raised in a household where you were never to lie, you didn't gossip, and "if you CAN'T say anything nice about someone, don't say it at all!!!!" These are values I've carried through my life, taught to my children and have expected from other people ...

I won't say it was or is a mistake, but I've learned that there are far too many people out there who have never been taught that lesson and who think nothing of bad mouthing, calling down and gossiping about others ...

Over the last few weeks my conversations online and over coffee and in other settings with friends have time and time again returned to a place where I've heard story after story of how devastating and hurtful idle gossip, bad mouthing and calling down others can be ... I've heard of talented people feel utterly rejected by their "friends" because their artistic creations have been ignored or belittled by those closest to them ... I've heard young parents struggling in life be called down by untrue accusations of affairs and lascivious behaviour by their neighbours and so-called friends ... I've heard how lives are profoundly and negatively affected by the utter nonsense that is passed around the community as "truth" with no consideration of what is the ACTUAL truth, or the effect of such drivel ...

I could go on and on and on ... for some reason people feel comfortable sharing these experiences with me ... perhaps it is because I have, over the last three years been the victim of such malicious attacks by people around me ... but I also think there is a different explanation ...

This fall I mused whether my totem was shifting with the repeated appearance of Turkey Vultures in my field of vision ... I did some reading and study and found repeatedly that when the Vulture chooses you as a member of its Totem realm - YOU KNOW !!!

The Totem of the Vulture brings with it many interesting gifts and understandings ... but one that I have struggled with was the ability to sense or even see the aura that surrounds people ... like the vulture finding carrion for its next meal ... the Vulture Totem guides us to those who are in need of care, kindness, support and even love ... and we can "see" what lies within ...

To the artist feeling rejection I can "see" the jealousy of others ... to the parent struggling against vicious and hurtful gossip I can "see" the jealous fear that drives others to tear him/her down ... to those who have maliciously tried to tear me down I "see" their fear and have only pity for them ...

I have struggled with this until yesterday when I opened a wonderful letter from a newly re-discovered cousin who has recently gotten in touch with me ... she wrote me the following:

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... how demoralizing that is for you and your family. How does one defend against gossip? I just finished reading an article in yesterday's Toronto Star that said, "... gossip is more powerful than truth ..." and that "people believe what they hear through the grapevine even if they have evidence to the contrary." Now granted, this was a University survey done over only a couple of studies that involved a limited amount of participants. But it is a disturbing trend, nonetheless

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I was raised to refrain from gossiping and to disregard or avoid the gossip of others. It has always been my belief that your family and friends know you better than to believe such nonsense, and who cared about the others? But of course, what others think really does matter doesn't it? ... as you say Truth becomes irrelevant ... All you can do is keep your chin up and your shoulders back ... otherwise they win.

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As I read those words and last night spent time in prayer and reflection with them, I realized that the pull of my totem is to justice and harmony and balance ... the calling of my totem is to keep my chin up, and my shoulders back and to hold fast to the truth and only the truth.

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The whisper of the Vulture is to hold to truth and let it one day set us ALL free ... Gossip will blow away like dust in the wind, and the deeply rooted truth will remain and prevail and prosper ... such are the teachings of the Old Vulture ...

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May it be so !!

The hands of an artist ...

I know of late this Blog is starting to sound like a founding chapter of the Tomson Highway fan club ... but it's not ... I just find myself wanting to share how much meeting this man has meant to me in my life ...

The last couple of years has been an incredible time of transition, transformation, growth, set back, struggle, and most of all resurrection for me ... As I look back there have been many incredible moments, both good and bad, that have left indelible impressions on me ... I have been deeply wounded ... profoundly hurt ... and utterly devastated by the nasty words, actions and manipulations of others ... but thankfully, many of those moments have been off-set and balanced by the kindness of friends ... the love of my circle of family and long-term friends ... and the unwavering support of the people who know the real me and who have been there to pick me up, dust me off, hear my rants, wipe away my tears and give me the hug and the encouragement to carry on ...

So looking back, I can see many many many positive moments where some little thing has had a profound effect on my life journey ... This summer, one morning on the dam I had just such a moment ...

I biked past a gentleman walking on the dam and stopped and said - "are you Tomson Highway?"

The affirmative answer and the open and generous response and the ensuing conversations have succeeded not only in turning me into a HUGE Tomson Highway fan, but my "brush with fame" has helped me make some decisions in my life about what I want to do and be about, and where I want my life to go ... Tomson Highway and his partner helped me listen to the whisper in my soul that has been saying for a very long time - "I want to write !!!"

This fall I have not only listened ... I have tried to obey ... for the first time in a very long time I'm following my soul and trusting in God (or the cosmos) to see me through to a destination that is yet unknown ...

And, tonight I watched Tomson Highway take time with a young native man who said - "I'm kind of a lost soul ..." and described the incredible journey he's been on with HUGE set backs of his health and well being ... he then said to Tomson - "I don't know what I want to do to let the words in me out ... art, song, writing, ... I just don't know??"

Tomson listened patiently to the young man, and then said - "Try it all !!! Just try it all. You'll never know until you try, then you'll find your voice ... follow it"

Tomson Highway is just the son of a Cree trapper-hunter from north of Brochet in Northern Manitoba ... he has the hands of an artist ... and the heart and soul of a wise, caring, generous and truly mystical being ...

I will always look back on the encounters I have had with him and his partner as one of the most Blessed experiences of my life ... and I will be thankful for it for a very long time. Everything happens for a reason ...

Today ...

The sun was shining,

the temperature was in the mid to high teens C,

and it was a beautiful day for a bike ride.

I only did about 24 kms today ...

BUT

I managed to find a route that was uphill, with the wind going,

and uphill AGAINST the wind coming back,

I still can't figure out how I found a route that is

like the oft told old joke:

up hill BOTH ways - but it is !!!

And it was a wonderful work out on my bike.

THEN,

this afternoon I submitted my first two stories

to a writing contest I learned about last week,

AND

went to the Aboriginal Writers Festival

at Brandon University to hear

Tomson Highway share a reading.

After the evenings event I was giving Tomson

a ride home to Minnedosa,

so he took me to the Participants' Reception and introduced me

to many of the First Nations and Metis writers

who are attending and involved in this

Festival that is happening all weekend in Brandon.

It was a simply INCREDIBLE day and evening.

One I won't soon forget !!!!!

Today at Rotary ...

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The Minnedosa Rotary Club,

which I am pleased to be a member of,

invited author, playwright, musician, composer,

and storyteller

Tomson Highway

to come and join us today.

And Tomson did - in fine form.

He played the badly tuned piano,

then entertained and informed us with stories,

reflections and memories of his journey

from Brochet in Northern Manitoba, to his

life now as an accomplished Literary Star in Canada and abroad.

It was a delightful way to spend an hour ...

Thanks Tomson !!!

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Dreaming of a Double Double and a Maple Dip??

Yesterday over a I can fly, just not up, CandyGirFlies mused about a dream her hubby had one night involving donuts and Tim Horton's ... She wondered if it might be a middle aged Canadian Male thing ... (Gawd I hope NOT!!! I've worked too hard to shed 40 pounds, only to pack them on from Tim's !!!!) ... But as I read her words I thought of a bit by Canadian Comedian Ron James about a visit to Tim Horton's ...

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So - click here to read The posting over at I can fly, just not up, then come back and listen to Ron's rant about Tim's and consider if CandyFliesGirl's hubby is having a dream about donuts, or the Bovine Betty in the foxy hair net behind the counter getting him all warm in the secret bits ??!!

I'll opt for donuts ... though I may one day start dreaming about them, I'll STILL consume them sparingly !!

An Epiphany Moment ...

While I was biking through Riding Mountain National Park I realized a few things about myself ...

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I have the soul of an artist ... I yearn to create and to stand in the presence of creativity ...

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I have the soul of a prophet ... faith demands action ... action borne of faith is a gift from God ...

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I have the soul of a writer ... words ebb and flow within me ... my heart yearns to tell the stories it carries ...

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I have the soul of a child ... life is a wondrous place filled with awe ... like a child I trust openly and easily, and have borne many hurts from the maliciousness of others ... life remains a gift to be celebrated and enjoyed ...

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I have the soul of an intellectual ... the number they apply to my IQ means nothing ... the hunger to learn and grow and experience life drives me forward ...

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I have the soul of an artist ... music, words, literature ... where there is beauty I find fullness ...

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As I pedaled through the wilderness of Riding Mountain I heard for the first time in many months, the voice of my soul telling me something I had simply forgotten ...

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I am not what people think of me ...

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I will not be defined by labels applied by others ...

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I will not be limited by expectations imposed from outside ...

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and most of all, I will not allow my reality to be affected by the gossip and lies that people have chosen to believe about me ... the salacious crap that is passed by those "who know" is simply that ... and I AM better than ALL of it !!

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On Sunday as I pedalled I heard my soul whisper to me the hopes, the dreams and the aspirations I had allowed to be surpressed and denied in the name of expediency ...

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On Sunday when I turned my bike around, the voice of my soul began to lead the way ...

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My job now is to follow ... and in faith, I can ... and I will ...

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We shall just have to wait and see where this journey leads ...

Last Flowers of the Season ...

Yesterday I decided to harvest the sweet peas that were still blooming in Ms H & Beetle's gardens ... somehow they had survived several harsh frosts, and are still growing and blooming!!

It was nice to have one last bouquet of fresh cut flowers from the garden - especially considering it is late in October - gracing our dinner table, and now it is nice to share them with the rest of you.

I have a special place in my heart for Sweet Peas ... in Bella Coola we grew an enormous number of them along our front fence, and when I went visiting elders I often took a handful to give them, and share the joy ... but my strongest association with sweet peas is the profusion of them that grew wild in the ditches for a metres and metres on either side of my Great Grandmother's farm house outside of Desboro Ontario.

The end of the long drive to Grandma Cain's was signaled by the white, pink, and mauve blossoms of the perennial plants that had long ago escaped the flower beds around the house and had established themselves along the gravel road ... You knew you were there when you could see the blaze of colours ...

Sweet Peas are one of my favourite flowers ... and having the girls grow them this year on their own was a delight ... one that has stretched long into the fall ... and for that I am thankful.

Tonight's Sky ...

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The western sky tonight was breathtaking ...

... I'm glad I took a couple of minutes to snap

some photos ... unfortunately,

they don't do justice to the real thing.

Won't it be nice ...

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... to awaken one morning to find

the world enveloped in a

just and lasting peace

that leaves cobwebs

on the tracks of ALL military equipment,

not just those left as memorials to

the Fallen and the Remembered.

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One day it may happen ...

... in the meantime,

we must be workers of Shalom !!!

Hallelujah Chorus !!!

It would appear that tonight over at The Laughing Pastor, my fellow blogger made the technological jump to posting video clips. To mark the event he has posted a whack of clips (a whack is more than a couple, but less than several), including a beautiful rendition of Leonard Cohen's song (now made famous by its use in the Shrek series of films) Hallelujah by the indomitable k.d. lang.



I remember the first time I heard k.d. sing Hallelujah. It was on CBC and I was blown away ... it has long been one of my favourite songs by her. But I've enjoyed other renditions of the song as well, so to compliment LP's selection I would like to offer a rendition of Hallelujah by the man responsible for the song ... between k.d., Rufus Wainwright (we've ALL heard the song in Shrek) and Leonard Cohen, I think it's a hard call to say which is my favourite ...


So enjoy this version, then hop over the The Laughing Pastor and enjoy another ... and if you craving for this beautiful song isn't yet whetted, slide on over to YouTube and search for Hallelujah and see what else you can turn up ... It's a great song ... and the version below is done in the way ONLY Leonard Cohen could do it ... enjoy !!

Just Curious ...

I had the house to myself today ... and as I puttered around I had some thoughts occur to me:

Why do we close the bathroom door even when we are alone?

Why is the bathroom the one room in the house that ALWAYS has a lock on the door?

What's the hang up that leads us to such paranoia?

Such are the things I sometimes ponder ...

More pictures from yesterday's jaunt ...

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Pictures from Riding Mountain National Park,

and the drive home ...

Happy Birthday Ms Kosh !!!

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Today over at "At The Half Note" Blogger Katie, wishes her daughter Annie a Happy 10th Birthday ... I would like to offer Ms Kosh similar wishes ...

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Annie is one of my absolute favourite 10 year olds on the Planet ... from the stories I've heard from her mom, I know she's witty, funny, outrageous, sweet, adorable, intelligent, and at times aggravating ... the things ALL 10 year old girls should be !!

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So to this delightful 10 year old Girl ... I wish a Happy Birthday!!!!

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Hope you've had a good day, and a good weekend Annie ...

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(oh - and the film clip is the creation of Annie's talented mom)

By Land, By Water, and By Air ...

One of the joys of being in a region of the country

that is on a MAJOR migratory Fly-Way for water fowl

is finding bodies of water obscured under

the bodies of dozens and dozens of birds:

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Then all it takes is something to startle them,

and in unison they take to the wing and FLY!!!