We found this among Mom's stuff before Scott died ... Dad's casket is being loaded in to the hearse for the short trip across the road to the cemetery. When we looked at it, and other pictures of Dad's funeral neither of us spoke ... there were no words to say, and I wondered how he felt revisiting an event that had such a profound and lasting impact on his life and world ...
Looking at this picture I am struck by how lost my mom looks standing on the steps of the church where a few short years before she had married my dad, and along the way baptised one son, and had dedicated another ... so much changed that day in June of 1968, and like ripples on the surface of water, the effects kept moving outward ...
There are many times in my life I've looked into my brother's eyes and beyond the anger and the hostility (much of it directed at me, and all too often most of it well deserved), I saw an immense and inpenetrable pain and hurt ... I am certain much of that pain and hurt formed that morning when he learned that Dad wasn't coming home, and his life began to spin and spiral ...
In retrospect, we can see now there was so much pain, and so much sorrow, and he was left feeling so utterly alone.
My one solace in the midst of everything else today, is the sure and certain knowledge that Scott has found his place of peace, and he is free of the pain that has burdened his mind, body, heart and soul ... the big warm heart that beat within is finally free of the things that hindered and restricted him ...
Scott was crusty, but looking at this picture, I understand more fully why he was crusty, and today I can and I do forgive him everything mean and nasty he did to me, because I would happily and willingly stand smiling were I have the chance to experience any of it again, even for a moment ...
I can't even begin to describe how much I miss my big brother right now !!!
I love you Scottie, and I miss you sooooooo much ...
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