The day we gathered to celebrate the life of my brother was five years to the day that I awoke to the phone call telling me that the Church in Minnedosa was aflame ... it remains one of the hardest and most horrible days of my life ... I remember at the time commenting that the journey ahead was going to be challenging because people are in a myriad of different places in that experience. I mused then, that some will be sitting in the ashes for a very long time, while others will instantly be in the new building and ready to get on with rebuilding. I said then, that the challenge we would face is continuing to minister to one another, and ensuring that no one gets left behind ...Five years later, I know there are many who not only got left behind, but who also had their feelings and the raw emotions that they were experiencing completely dismissed by those who guided the journey.
Today as Lent unfold around us I marvel at the inability of the Church, be it at a community level, or a Presbytery, or even broader level, to grapple with that simple reality that is very much a part of a traumatic happening like a Church fire.
Five years ago, an act of arson destroyed a heritage building in the heart of a small rural community ... in the days that followed there was a profound and amazing out pouring of support and encouragement from a hugely diverse group of people, agencies and groups. Unfortunately, in the days that followed there was an inability to wrestle with the myriad of issues that arise when tragedy strikes.
The dominant emotion driving the agenda for the Community was anger ... anger internalized, and anger denied ... that anger lead to many decisions that deepened the hurt of others, and alienated many more ... and when voices raised concern about that anger, they were shouted down and silenced.
Looking back over the past five years I weep at the erroneous belief that all is truly well now that the new building is opened, and a new minister is called ...
This month's United Church Observer has a two page spread on Church arson that was on one level interesting to read, and on another level was symptomatic of the problem facing this United Church of ours when a crisis like a church fire strikes. We have a deeply troubling desire to make all things nice when it comes to trauma and tragedy.
Instead of journeying into the wilderness, and naming the demons and darkness we find there, the United Church habitually seeks to spin a warm pink fuzzy quilt to minister to that pain ... instead of OWNING the hurt and the pain, we want to offer a meaningless "there, there, it will be alright" while dragging people to a place of comfort, warmth and sunshine.
Liturgically, this is a senseless and offensive action.
Life is, as the Buddha observed, full of pain, and to offer warm pink fuzzies fails miserably at living much less proclaiming the power of the resurrection.
We can not stand before the empty tomb on Easter Morning unless we've lingered in the darkness that precedes it. And that darkness is not limited to the Maundy Thursday service. That darkness abounds in the Church ...
Over the last five years I've experienced over and over the darkness, and the pain it inflicts upon people ... and when I've raised my voice and expressed my feelings and concerns, I have CONSISTENTLY been told to 'keep quiet' and 'move on' by those within the Church who not only fear the identification of that darkness, but who are so invested in preserving it, that they fear the light promised by God ... and sadly many of them stand in leadership positions of the Church.
Looking back over the last five years my dominant emotion is not anger, but a deep sadness at the squandering of so much good will by a community that was terrified to face the truth unfolding around them ... in the last two months as I've said good bye to my mom, my brother, a close family friend, and so much that their lives entailed, I've learned that we have the opportunity to respond to such moments creatively or reactively.
My emotions and my experience is too raw to say that I've chose the creative path ... but as Lent begins, I can look back and say with some certainty that on February 12th 2006, as the smoke lingered over the foundations of Minnedosa United Church, the path chose was anything BUT creative ... it was reactive and it was dominated by fear, and anger and profound insecurity ... and it has cost many more than they realize.
I remember sitting at the Board table and repeatedly urging the folks there to pause and use the few resources available to us pertaining to Church fires, and over and over hearing the phrases "we're fine ..." "we're okay ..." and "we know what we're doing ..." Had anyone taken the time to read the book I laid on the table at that time, they would have recognized the toxicity of that approach and they could have avoided the devastation that came by fear drive decisions that helped to widen the destruction the fire rather than bring healing.
Today the legacy of February 12th 2006 varies depending on who you speak to, and which voices you heed ... for the leadership of the Church things are fine and there are no problems, but for the people left battered and hurting things are far from fine ... and as a people of faith called to live and embody the Gospel in its fullness, we have a FAITHFUL obligation to hear the cries from the margins and embrace a radical inclusion that stops denying those voices and those experiences ... Lent is about daring to move past our comfort zone and not only acknowledge those on the margins but to ACTIVELY and FAITHFULLY address our contribution to their experiences of pain and hurt ...
We can slap a ribbon on something and say "it's ALL better ..." but that doesn't make it true, and too often it simply denies the reality being lived by others ... Lent calls us to repentance, and more often than not it is a repentance of OUR behaviour and actions and attitude ... and that is usually the hardest thing to face ... but face it we must ...
We might want a happy ending ... but sometimes the perceived happy ending is anything BUT ... and that reality is hard to face ...
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