I miss him ...

Last week I had a dream that I went to Mom's to continue cleaning and sorting there, and when I walked into the kitchen Scott was standing there ...

"What the hell have you been doing?" he asked, looking at the piles of papers, letters, recycling and so on that covers the table and counters.

I replied to him, "What are you talking about? You died ..."

Scott laughed and said he had faked his death, and explained that he wanted to just get away from everything ...

I didn't know whether I wanted to hug him, or kill him (again) ... we sat down and talked about things, and tried to figure out what to do next now that he was 'back' ... I woke from the dream chuckling, but at the same time wishing desperately that it could be true, and that the last few weeks would be a bad, bad, bad dream ...

As I lay in the pre-dawn darkness I was overwhelmed by the realization that it hasn't been a dream, and that I wasn't going to find him standing in the kitchen asking "what the hell have you been doing?" (although, I pretty much hear him asking me that anytime I do ANYTHING out at his bush, or in his room ... but that's another issue !)

This past weekend, Ms H. and her friend from Brandon went to the bush with me so we could check on things and have a look around ... I stood on the balcony of the shop and looked off down the trail and wished that I could see Scott ... in my mind's eye, I can picture him walking the trail, a black toque perched on his head, his beloved rottweilers thundering through the brush and leaves, tumbling and playing as he yells at them "hey, what are you doing?" and laughs as they rumble towards him, tails wagging with happiness ... When I stand in the bush, I can almost feel Scott's presence ... it was where he was happy and content ... it was his sanctuary and in many respects, his home ...

I miss him ... but I'm glad I have some good memories to recall when I walk through the bush, and stand on the trails that for the last twenty years he cherished ... Scott might be gone from our sight, but he is not gone from our hearts and memories ... I sense him in the crunch of leaves under foot, and the rustle of the wind through the tree branches overhead ... he will always been part of his beloved bush, and for that I am very thankful !!