Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I wonder ...

All good things come to an end ... and I have to wonder if today is that point for Prairie Preacher ...

Oscar Wilde once quipped that the only thing worse than someone gossipping about you, is no one gossipping about you ...

It is a sentiment I simply can not share ... I wish I could say I was thick skinned enough to let hurtful comments roll off my back ... I wish I could say that I can go on and on and on without appreciation or thanks for my efforts ... I wish I could say that I was delightfully happy in my life in this moment ...

I wish I could ... but right now I can't ...

Today I've looked back over the journey that has been this blog ... there are many moments I've enjoyed and many points that have been rewarding ... but there have been some dark moments too ... Now, after 640 posts, I have to wonder if it is time to simply turn off the light and walk away ...

This place has been where I've played, I've raved, I've mused, I've reflected and I've even dreamed of something different from what I live ...

Today I have to wonder - "why bother??"

This afternoon, I gleaned off too many negative comments left behind ... all of them were comments that have not only been hurtful, interestingly enough - all of them have also been anonymous. Cowardice is a funny thing isn't it??

But the sting of them, and the hurts I've been trying in vain to shake have lead me to a place where I realize I need to decide if it is time for the Prairie Preacher to simply fall silent ...

Ultimately, it is a choice that only I can make ... but today my hearts says - "walk away ..."

This is not a choice I approach easily - but from my journey of the last year, I've come to realize that it really doesn't matter one way or another anyway ... too many come here looking for me to trip up, waiting for me to say something they can pounce on ... I can't feed thier hate any more ...

There are others who have spoken their encouragement, appreciation and support, but those voices are too often stifled by the vicious shrillness of others ...

And right now I'm just not sure what I want to do ...

I would like to say to all of the wonderful friends I've "met" in cyber-space a heartfelt "thank you." To those of you who have helped so much along the way, I can only say - "thank you ... you know where I am. Feel free to stay in touch ..."

And to those friends I've hurt (and you know who you are) - I am truly sorry ...

So we shall see ... tomorrow is a new day ... and as I pondered earlier today ... at its lowest ebb, the tide begins to turn ... I'll be waiting to see when and where it turns ...

For now ... and perhaps for good ... adieu ...

So, for the moment ... "so long and thanks for all the fish ..."

5 comments:

AMGallegos said...

Hi Rev. Shawn,
I look forward to taking a peek at your blog every day, so please don't shut 'er down! Maybe just take a break if you need to!

Peace to you.
A

itzktb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
itzktb said...

A break might be in order, then please return.

As my father used to say, you must believe in the tides and the seasons.

And who are those anonymous bastards?

I've got your back Rev.

Katie

TG said...

I enjoy your blog but I can understand leaving it. I always figure that if you can't shut things down then you also reach a point where you can never add anything more. Sort of like Frye's attitude about an "open mind" - if the metaphor is of an alimentary canal, then it needs to be open at both ends. I wouldn't worry about people griping at you though - it means you're reaching people.

Anonymous said...

Jesus Christ, the man who's life you preach about, dedicated his life to God. This dedication led him to inevitable persecution from the frightened masses. After that, it was all crosses and nails, which, as we can only faintly imagine, has got to be pretty difficult!

Jesus tried spreading his truth and ended up pissing off the wrong people. On the bright side, he did gain an unimaginable following of "believers" (billions of people with billions of belief systems sometimes resembling what he hoped to be), which, in human terms, is pretty good.

You are O.K. prairie preacher man! You will probably never dangle from a cross for posting your belief system and at worse, may suffer the critism of others. I guess really, all of us humans really just want unconditional love and acceptance from others and can't understand why they wouldn't think and feel the same way as we do. Love is the answer of course and is what Jesus tried to teach us. In the end however, when his message failed to convince, he accepted his fate and suffering.

You have a good life, beautiful children, and by all accounts are living in a safe environment. Thicken your skin, lose your pride (stupid deadly sin) and give what you believe to be right. You are a man of Christ! Give his word and live with the consequence. Just like the bumper sticker (which by the way I think is stupid) WWJD.


Take care.

TCW (True Christian Wannabe)