Middle of the night musings ...

At 3:13 this morning I was awoken by a gawd-awful THUD ...

Flute fell off the bed.

It is not a unique happening ... as Ms. H. so aptly observes, Miss Flute is "not the brightest colour in the crayon box" ... she falls off the love seat AND the sofa in our living room fairly regularly while playing with her toys ... So a crash to the floor in the middle of the night is consistent with her non-nocturnal activities ...

The down side of her sudden and noisy descent to the floor is that now, and hour later, I'm still up and awake ... Ms. H. never stirred ... Miss Flute is happily sleeping back on my bed ... and I'm listening to the International Radio broadcasts on CBC overnight ...

I have to admit, you learn a lot about the world from the overnight broadcasts ... there is less reactive media hype, and more substantial information on what's happening outside of Ottawa, Washington and wherever the media lens is currently focused ...

For now though I'm realizing that in spite of having encountered many topics and issues I'd like to reflect on here, I have grown weary of the abuse that comes with speaking my mind here ... I would welcome sitting down over coffee and discussing contrary views - but anonymous abuse from people who lack the courage to sign their names no longer appeals to me ...

This was underscored yesterday when I once again encountered the persistent lies, gossip and rumours emanating from Minnedosa that continue to dog my current path ... I think this is a big piece of why I am awake in the middle of the night and unable to sleep ...

I want this BULLSHIT to end ... when will the toxic small minded morons stop perpetuating the lies and untruths ????

When will I be free of this nonsense ???

I can't help but chuckle at the thought that those who point their fingers and say - "he had an affair," "he broke up a marriage," "he misused the food bank," "he took money," and any of the other toxic, malicious, and FALSE allegations that are STILL BEING lobbed my way, are simply suffering from the remarkable phenomena that my Grandfather spoke of when he counselled us "not to point fingers of accusation at another lest three fingers of blame point back at ourselves ..."

Check it out sometime ... just try to point a finger of blame or accusation at another WITHOUT pointing the remaining fingers back at yourself ... it can't be done.

I can't help but wonder if those 'respected' public figures who ARE or who DID have affairs and who are responsible for breaking up marriages and doing ALL of the things they accuse me of doing are merely creating a diversion to hide their own misdeeds???

With the passage of time, and with conversations with people who KNOW Minnedosa, this seems to be more and more the case ... the proverbial skeletons in the closets up Hwy 10 are in danger of tumbling out ALL OVER THE FLOOR ... so instead of having to deal with that embarrassment, instead the "good" church people and others in that very very very small town, have reverted the equivalent of yelling "FIRE" in a crowded theatre.

I asked for the Board of Minnedosa United Church to HELP stop this process when it began by dealing with one of the sources, who was at the time in the employ of the Congregation ... they did nothing ...

I asked for the Board of Minnedosa United Church to assist in pursuing a legal remedy when emails were sent by an ignorant ass in Minnedosa to MY friends elsewhere to "tell them the truth" - emails that were clearly LIBELOUS ... they did nothing ...

I asked the BOARD of Minnedosa United Church to be part of the solution by publicly acknowledging the LIES and UN-TRUTHS, and their active participation as individuals in perpetuating those ERRONEOUS AND FALSE statements by publicly apologizing to me for them ... they again (not surprisingly) did nothing ...

Looking back I understand now that they were too busy pushing their collective closets closed and keeping the very embarrassing skeletons tucked safely away ... diversion became the name of the game ...

Theologically they lived the very principles Jesus warned about when he said we shouldn't point out the speck in our brother's eye when we have a LOG in our own ... they didn't want any one to see, much less acknowledge the logs in their eyes ... affairs, addiction issues, unethical actions and other deep dark family secrets that were in danger of being revisited ... something had to be done ...

So, I was placed on the sacrificial altar and my reputation, my job, my career and my name was brutalized and destroyed ... most frustrating for me was the complete complicity played by the Leadership of Assiniboine Presbytery in this process ... rather than dealing with the issues, the burden was strapped to my back and I was sent off into the wilderness to die ...

Except I didn't die ... I embraced the wilderness ... like Jesus and others who embraced the wilderness as a place to draw closer to our God, and to understand my self and my life better ... I returned from the wilderness strengthened and on my journey to wholeness and healing ...

And in that I posed an even bigger threat to the minions in Minnedosa who tried to destroy me ... instead of letting me go when I left the community, they continue to sow their noxious seeds, seeking through whispered tones, to destroy the reputation I have reclaimed ... trying through Monty Pythonesque "nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more, say no more" endeavours to make sure people know the "truth" about me ... over and over, I encountered the toxic sludge being hurled from the "Valley Paradise" trying to pull me back into the stew ...

I'll have none of it.

I will however counsel my sisters and brothers in Assiniboine Presbytery of the United Church of Canada to hear this: TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. Stop blaming me for the problems in Minnedosa, and stop trying to paper over the gaping cracks and fissures in the life of the community. Just because the people at the Board table - the very people who were part of the creation of the problem in the first place, say that things are FINE, doesn't make it so. The toxicity that has LONG ebbed and flowed through Minnedosa remains real and present and THICK in the life of Minnedosa United Church ... instead of blaming me and counselling me to "let it go" or "lay it on the altar" or any of the other diversionary tactics you've gotten good at - help Minnedosa break free from the ignorant, toxic, hypocritical and unfaithful leadership that have held POWER too long ... Use your authority as a Presbytery to step in and enact not only a cessation of the bullshit - but a public apology not only to ME, but to the other members of the Congregation who were hurt by this nonsense as well.

I want an apology - a public formal apology - and EVERY TIME I encounter the rumours, gossip and lies - all of them false - about "what really happened" in Minnedoa I will once again make that public statement - I WANT AN APOLOGY from the very people who have been part of the problem ... and I want it now.

Maybe when the faithful path is finally chosen and Minnedosa United Church collectively does the right thing the struggle to rebuild will no longer be so difficult - as a wise colleague (non-United Church of course because he spoke of the Spirit and faith) once observed:

"Shawn, the new building will never rise until the Congregation heals itself and acts faithfully. ... That which opposes the values of the Spirit will never succeed, and the vacant lot will remain ..."

Maybe one day the "Leaders" and the "good" church people will realize the TRUTH of this prophecy ...

... one can always hope ...