I wonder ...

Many years ago I had the privilege of having breakfast with one of the saints who have helped direct the course of our Church and our society into places the "good" church people didn't want to go ... He shared openly the pain of his experience seeking justice in the Church, and shared candidly the contempt he faced over and over as he spoke about his experiences and the pain of his journey ...

At the age of 6 or 7, he was taken by force from his family and his home and transported thousands of kilometres to a strange environment where he was not only prevented from speaking his language, he was sodomized repeatedly FOR YEARS by one of those appointed by THE CHURCH to care for these young children ...

The abuse was simply and utterly horrendous ... but what followed is unspeakable in its arrogance and callousness ...

He sought justice ... he tried and tried and tried to share the story of his journey - the truth about the pain and suffering he had endured ...

Not only had he lost his language, his culture and his connection to his people ... he lost the connection to his family ... he lost the ability to trust ... he lost the ability to believe ... he lost his innocence and his safety ... he lost much ...

And over and over "The Church" refused to hear his story ... they refused to believe him ... they refused to listen ...

He was accused of making it up.
He was asked - "what did you want the church to do?"
He was challenged that he was exaggerating.
He was called a liar.
He was vilified and ridiculed.
He was pushed aside and ignored ...

Then one day, when he was close to giving up hope and his life was spiralling, his whisper was heard and things began to happen ... he was heard ... he was listened to ... he was believed ... an investigation was launched ... charges were laid ... a trial was held ... and a monster named Plint went to jail for sexually, physically, emotionally and spiritually abusing the children in his care in a place called Alberni ... and the great United Church of Canada was brought to its collective knees, and forced to confront its past ...

The problem was - NO ONE EVER TOLD Willie Blackwater - "I'm sorry ..."

He sat through weeks of trials and no one uttered those words from an official stance ... the lawyers said - "the risk is to great. We could be sued ..." and silence was invoked ...

So he went back to court to DEMAND an apology.

In time he got it ... it's called "vicarious liability" ... and it resulted in the Church and our Government formally saying - "I'm Sorry" for the excesses and abuses of Residential Schools ...

I'm no Willie Blackwater, and I would never compare his journey and his experiences to mine ... the things I've experienced pale in comparison to what he endured and survived ...

I wonder though ... if the utter nonsense I experience when I speak about what happened in Minnedosa is the SAME REACTION that Willie encountered when he started talking about a dorm supervisor "fucking him up the ass" as a scared lonely 7 year old boy???? (His words by the way)

I wonder if anyone in the Church asked Willie if he wanted prayers, a pot luck or what???

I wonder if anyone in the Church would say to Willie - "oh your story hasn't changed ..."

I wonder if anyone in the Church would dismiss Willie so blithely and force him to experience a disciplinary process while Plint, the monster who abused him was allowed to go on with his life??

The abuses I experienced were MINOR and insignificant compared to Willie's ... but looking back I realize that the same forces of injustice that denied Willie his proverbial day in court are the same forces that STILL minimize what I've experience and deny the unfairness of what I've experienced ...

I'm glad I met Willie and was able to know others who never found the courage to step out of the darkness that consumed their life because of the abuse of Plint ... one of my cherished memories is sitting along side a river and having a beautiful native man share his story with the words - "I've never told any one this ..." and he spoke openly and honestly about what Plint had done to him ... and when he finished, HE THANKED ME for listening ... I have shed many tears over his story ... and the fact that he later carried his story with him to the peace and healing of the Spirit World ...

The Church, in failing to own the abuses that it is capable of inflicting serves only to deepen that abuse and perpetuate it ...

I have to wonder if Willie and my friend by the river would have been told that THEY WERE the reason for the conflict and abuse they found themselves in??

I would like to think that wouldn't happen ... but in the modern church, and from what I've experienced - THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WOULD HAPPEN. That's how I've been treated ... and the more I dare to speak out about it the more I get blamed ...

And the powers and principalities dare to ask "what justice are you looking for??"

Isn't it obvious yet ???

Silly me ... expecting the blind to see ...

Foolish me for wanting to hear the words - "I'm sorry ..." and to have the truth told instead of the toxic lies that continue to be perpetuated and spread.