Sunday, January 27, 2008

Learning how Icarus felt ...

This week started with potential and possibility ... doors that had been closed were replaced by newly opening windows and discovered passageways that offered a glimmer of light to guide me forward from a cold and lonely, dark place ... The positive happenings all around me stroked my devestated soul and gave me the foolish courage to test my wings ...

Like the mythic Icarus ... I dared to let my self get swept up in the moments and to try to fly ... to feel free and alive ... it was a glorious week ... potentials and possibilities abounded and my spirit, for the first time in MONTHS began to soar ... I dared to really dream of a tomorrow that was different from the many yesterdays that have left me bruised and wounded ... for the first time I began to feel positive about EVERYTHING ...

But like the mythic Icarus, I flew too high, too fast and too near the sun ... in the twinkling of an eye the wax in my wings began to melt and the feathers came unfixed ... and in that moment I began the plunge back to the hard reality of earth ...

My life still abounds with possibilities and potentials ... my dreams are still there ... my soul longs to fly ... but in the darkness of this moment my emotions are bruised and battered ... and my heart feels utterly bereft ... tomorrow will be better ... but I've come to realize that my tomorrow is seldom connected with the chronology of time and calendar ... and my journey out of the dark and lonely place may be longer than expected ...

Tomorrow will come ... some day ... right now I just feel very alone in the darkness ... and I'm very tired of being in this place ... I thought I had left it ...

I was wrong ... on so many levels ... I was wrong ...

Tonight the circle of friends, and the love of family just doesn't offer a balm for this hurt ...

1 comment:

MY OWN WOMAN... said...

I know you don't want to hear this, but lillies grow in the valley; not on the mountain tops.

I wish you a swift recovery from the despair that you are feeling. Your post today has touched me more than you are aware.