Thursday, September 25, 2008

We are NOT alone ...

Tonight, two snippets are rolling through my brain ... the first is the opening stanza of THe New Creed of the United Church of Canada that begins with the words - "we are not alone, we live in God's world ..."

The second is the stanza from the poem Footprints that reads: "when you could see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

I see a connection between the two, and feel a deep resonance with the sentiments of both ...

Tonight I looked back in this blog and read the posting from March 27th 2008 when I admitted to being in a deep dark place ...

My status and acceptance by the United Church was in limbo ... I had been fired by so-called friends who were afraid to face up to the truth swirling around them ... I had been abandoned by almost ALL of my "friends" to use the term loosely ... I was starting a new job I was feeling less than secure about ... my reputation had been utterly destroyed by nasty, venomous, mean-spirited, and small minded people who prefer to gossip and pull others down rather than facing the meaningless of thier existences ... I was battered and bloodied, spiritually, emotionally and physically ... I was alone and frightened and I was grinding into rock bottom ...

AND YET, as I admitted to hitting bottom I began the slow arduous journey back upwards ... first by finding the trail head out of the deep dark valley into which I had fallen ...

I mused at the time:
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The journey starts by first groping through the thick dark undergrowth and finding the trail head ... then one step at a time ... moment by moment ... minute by minute, you begin journeying up the trail ... it can be slippery and treacherous, and in places it seems to be heading back down into the valley ... but over time you slowly move your way upwards ...
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Focusing on this moment - this step - this tiny piece of the trail ... you keep moving, until one spectacular moment you suddenly find yourself standing on the top of the mountain and looking back you wonder why you were so worried about the climb ... Looking back, it all seems so easy ...
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Today I have a long way to go before I get to the top of the mountain ... but I'm on the trail ... I've lost NOTHING along the way, but rather have gained new friends, new opportunities, and new POTENTIAL ...
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I've left the toxicity of the valley bottom behind, and with it, those who see no problem living in the muck and the bullshit that lies so thick in their Valley Home ... Before me the trail winds upwards to a destination I don't yet see, but in faith I KNOW is there ...I will take each step of the journey thankful for the preciousness of life, the strength of my faith, the care of my TRUE friends, and for the amazing possibilities that now lie ahead ...
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I don't know where I'm going, but right now that is less important than the simple fact I'm moving forward and reclaiming MY LIFE.

Today I spent some time looking back over the six months that have elapsed since I wrote those words ... and I realized that I may not be at the top of the mountain yet, but I'm close enough to feel the warmth of the sun on my cheeks ... the thick dark forest has given way to alpine meadows and spectacular vistas bathed in light ...

No longer looking back, I have been looking forward and today I realized just how far I've come...

The shore I let go of and in time lost sight of, is not one I miss ... the new lands I've found myself coming ashore at are filled with a glow and a goodness that is simply breath-taking ... Today the plaque left on my desk by a cherished and loved friend that said - "Life is not to be measured by the number of breaths you take, but rather by the moments that take your breath away ..." proved prophetic and telling ...

Since that post back in March, I've journeyed from a deep dark and very lonely place and today find myself in a very different place with a vista that beckons me forward ... now rather than looking back on "what was ..." and the people who chose to live fettered to a toxic past that simply poisons the present ... I chose to live free ...

Like a dear friend one said - "Live, Laugh, Love" ... Today I see the power of Maureen's creedo ... and I chose to drink deeply from the cup of each word ...

As I move forward I will live my life fully ...
I will laugh freely ...
and I will love deeply ...

Life is too valuable to dwell on the "woulda's", "shoulda's" and "coulda's" ... I will not let the chains of unhappiness fetter me any long ... and I will live free in the bright sunshine of the mountain tops, rather than in the deep darkness of the valley bottoms ...

I'm free ... and I plan on staying that way !!!

The past is what has been ... the future is what is shall be ... I will live present to what IS, and I will experience the reality of this moment on my terms, and in relationship with the people who care about me ... everything else is pointless and without meaning!!

In the fullest sense of the word - DAYENU !!!!! DAYENU !!!!!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad you made it through Shawn... though not enjoyable the journey back will have its rewards in the end... L

myownpersonal said...

blessings, shawn.
blessings, upon blessings.
i won't say i'm glad it happened, but i'm glad for the learnings, the growth, and the hope that you've taken from the experience.
like looking in a photo album, may you continue to see where God has unexpectedly stuck her head in your photos.