Taking the time ...

It has been a long road ... I have been through more than my share of ups and downs ... I have had moments of brilliant sunlight, and hours of agonizing darkness ... I have journeyed surrounded by supportive friends ... and most recently I have found myself battered, bloodied and bruised, left abandoned by the side of the road utterly alone ...

And so, in that moment of darkness, I cried out ... and like the Psalmist, it was the Creator (God, The Great Spirit, My Higher Power, The Cosmos - whatever term YOU need to use to explain this presence and life force) that ultimately heard my cry ... and answered ...

Last night I began reading a book on spirutality by an author, whose fiction I love ... she began life in a conservative, fundamentalist faith (like me) only to journey and struggle to a place where her spirituality is based on questions, yearnings, struggles and living life in the hard and dark places rather than slapping on a smiling face and saying - "it's ALL okay."

The passage I read last night was about the quick fixes ... the desire in our culture to have EVERYTHING handed to us fast and easy ...

Last night as I reflected on her words, and on my journey over the last two years I realized that to be whole - to be happy - to be content - to be able lean into your fears and face them in a HEALING way, there are NO EASY answers, and there are NO QUICK fixes, and there is NO ONE WHO CAN do it for you ... it takes time, pain, suffering, and a commitment to seeing the journey through ...

Two years ago I came to the realization that I wasn't happy ... it was a realization that was forced upon my ... it was a realization that took two years to dig to the BOTTOM of WHY???

But now, having found the "why?" ... and having not only found it, but named it, AND owned it ... I know my feet are on a path that leads me AWAY from that unhappiness ... I've learned WHY I've been unhappy, and I've learned that THE ONLY PERSON who will change that is ME!!

The strongest lesson though for me was the simple realization that there was no quick and simple way of finding the wholeness I needed and wanted ... I HAD to confront the dark lonely places where I lived the brutal sting of rejection, and the horrible pain of abandonment ... YOU can NOT be whole without journeying into the dark place where EVERYTHING is stripped away and you have to begin re-creating yourself and your understanding ...

It was NOT comfortable ... and it was NOT pleasant ... but as I move forward, even looking back as I move upwards out of the valley ... I KNOW it was WORTH IT. I would remain less than whole otherwise ...

Today though, as I consider the quick-fix mentality of our culture, and the desire to "get better" and "be happy" in 10 easy steps ... I realized that we need to re-orient ourselves from a Fast Food Approach and remember that something as BASIC as our food, takes time ...

It begins by planting the seed ... nurturing it, watering it, tending it ... and letting it grow in its OWN TIME ... we can't hurry the harvest ... no can we compress it's growing season ... it's out of OUR control ...

Then when the seed has grown and matured and is ready for the harvest ... it takes time and care to take what nature has provided, and move it from the gardens and fields, to our home and our table ... then the cleaning, the preparation, and the serving ... it TAKES TIME ... each step requires - NO, DEMANDS - patience and time !!!

Until at last the meal is served ... a meal - a feast, that has been months in the making ... around the table are those people we cherish and value - and as the platters are passed, and the meal is enjoyed, it is to be SAVOURED, not just gulped back ... the fellowship around the table - the conversation, the laughter, the smiles, the time ... all of it becomes part of the experience of wholeness ... all of it is part of the FEAST!!

I'm mindful of the Movie Babette's Feast, where Babette, carefully and lovingly prepares a meal using the finest ingredients, and creates gourmet dishes for the austere religious community in which she lives ... with time and care, she prepares a true feast ... but those she serves it to, are unable to enjoy it ... they see it as something wicked - something almost evil, rather than a celebration of life and community.

In our culture, we're too oriented to the quick fix, and the fast and the easy, to take the time to sit down, and with patience and care and truly savour the gift that time alone can offer ...

I've learned, as I sit in a place feeling for the first time whole and well ... that none of this could be rushed ... the bruising and the pain could not be avoided ... and the outcome would never have happened if I hadn't allowed the journey to take the time it needed ... There was simply no quick way of finding the happiness I needed, except by journeying into the darkest places of my being, and wrestling with what I found there ...

It's all about time ... because after the time has been taken and we've emerged from the dark, we find ourselves moving to a place where a feast awaits ... a feast that MUST be savoured and enjoyed, NOT gulped down with one eye on the clock ...

It's ALL about time ... because at the end of the day - we are worth it ...

Dayenu !!!
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