My Christmas Hero

I've always liked the Christmas Season ...

As a child and youth I ALWAYS looked forward to the gathering of the family clan at our Grandparents where there would be food and fun and fellowship in abundance.

As an adult and a minister, I came to appreciate the majestic beauty of the Christmas Story. Not the Hallmark version with picturesque snow falls and families gathered around the tree, but the real story ...

The story of a refugee family welcoming a new born while hiding in the cold darkness of a barn.

The truth and historicity of the story pales for me in the face of what has developed around that core story in the Centuries since. I am a HUGE fan of the legends and traditions of the HOLY SEASON ... I love the carols and hymns ... I like the quiet silence that comes with the reading of the Christmas story ...

The story has fear ... the young girl, perhaps no more than 13 giving birth to a baby far from home and far from her own mother, who would be a support in such times ... the transient nature of the family's existence - they are like too many on our planet homeless ... the visitors through the night do little to comfort the mom - shepherds were not known for their manners, but were viewed as opportunistic bandits and thieves ...

And the story has hope ... a dim light falling through the door of a stable nestled in the hillside in a backwater corner of a mighty empire ... celestial messengers proclaiming the Joy in this moment ... saying - "DO NOT BE AFRAID!!"

I like the story ... I love the liturgy that tells it in the cold dark of a Canadian Winter and with music and prayer lives it, even if for only a moment ...

I like to retell the story from the streets of the little town called Bethlehem ...

That is the power of Christmas for me ... pausing to listen for the rustle of angel wings as we know in THAT moment that with God anything is indeed possible ...

I also like Charles Dickens story "A Christmas Carol"... my personal custom on Christmas Eve after services have ended and my little ones have crawled into bed with visions of sugar plums dancing in their head, is to pop on a CD or a Video (or lately a DVD) of A Christmas Carol, and with a glass of sherry in hand, to settle in with only the glow of the Christmas Tree lights to hear once again the retelling of the story ...

This year though is different ...

This year I don't approach Christmas with any sense of anticipation nor joy ...

This year I feel very much like Scrooge sitting alone in the dark wanting to simply be left alone ...

Too many of the "Merry Christmas"Greetings ring hollow to my ears and my heart this season ...

This year having no Church to call home and having been cast out by a community that I have over the last seven and a half years loved and served has torn a chunk out of my heart and soul ... Hearing the counsel - "oh WE know you will land on your feet" does little to ease the pain that I carry ...

I know time will heal all wounds. But when your wounds are caused by the betrayal of others, and the incompetence and viciousness of so-called leaders within the church, and when you have been rightly called to task for your behaviour, while numerous others have NEVER been called to account for THEIR BEHAVIOUR ... it's a bitter pill to be foisted upon you ...

This Christmas there is little that I feel joyous about ... The Church I've loved for the last 40 years has been making it abundantly clear that not only am I the problem in Minnedosa, but that in insisting that people step back and look at the bigger picture and name some of the currents ebbing and flowing around this community, that have been feed by the fear and the losses experienced here - by asking for that to happen, I am NOT owning my dysfunction in this toxic cesspool.

Give me a break ... This year there will be people celebrating Christmas happy at what they've achieved ... sadly though, they have failed to heed the ghostly warnings to abandon a Scrooge-like journey and instead they have become modern Herods seeking to kill the Christ child and stifle the message brought by the angels.

My one prayer this season is that one day those modern Herod, people who wear their faith like a gaudy bobble that has no meaning nor connection to their lives, will like the grand old man himself one day be called to account for their sins and mis-deeds.

I also hope that in spite of them the Church in Minnedosa and our world will continue to flourish and grow withing the hearts of those who have heard and who live the Christmas Message.

The only solace I can take in this December Darkness comes from the cards, notes, letters and tiny gifts that have been handed to me from MEMBERS of MINNEDOSA UNITED CHURCH with the words - "I'm so sorry this has happened." and "This is SO wrong." AND "This is NOT what our Church is about."

The funny thing is ... the number of people who have since the meeting that ended the pastoral relationship who have uttered these things greatly out number those who wanted me to go ... Too bad The Board and Presbytery can't unstop their ears long enough to HEAR those voices and realize that I am not the only problem here ...

I made mistakes ... but over the last two years as my reputation, took hit after hit after hit, and as my marriage and my life began to fall apart ... I think I've more than paid for my sins and misdeeds ...

One day I'd like to see some of the others called to account for their actions ... but that is NOT likely to happen because the theology of warm pink fuzzies has triumphed ...

In the meantime, I will like Scrooge, growl - "I wish to be left alone ..." until the sting left by the actions of "the good church people" around me diminishes slightly ...

And to the cheery "Merry Christmas" uttered from lips that have spread venomous lies and gossip so easily I can only say a heartfelt - "Bah Humbug !!!"

Today I've come to realize that my journey may parallel that of the Holy Family, who in the face of Herod's anger and wrath fled into the night ... and like the Holy Family, only after I have sojourned through the desert and lived in exiled from home, and only after Herod has died a slow and painful death (look it up - this fact alone may indicate that there is indeed a JUST God in the cosmos) might I again come "HOME" ...

In the meantime I wait to glimpse the real meaning of Christmas from people who have heard the rustle of angel wings ... and the funny things for me is that with tears in their eyes they speak of the embarrassment and shame and hurt they feel by the actions of what they thought was "their" church ... and right now the only person who seems willing to hear them is me ...

Merry Christmas??? Yeah Right ... maybe one day ... in the meantime I continue to pack up in preparation for an uncertain future that is looking less bright with each passing day ...