Sunday, May 25, 2008

No where is the dreamer or the misfit so alone ...


SO ... I went to the RUSH Concert in Winnipeg ... it was alright ... an almost full house ... the music was TOO DAMNED LOUD ... you felt Peart's drumming at times more than hearing it - and I LOVE his drumming ... his 9 minute solo in the second act was AMAZING ... he ended with a Jazz riff that was completely AWESOME ... I'm glad I went ... but I went with a troubled heart ...

The last RUSH concert I went to was in Toronto's Maple Leaf Gardens back in 1986 during their Subdivisions tour ... this concert compared pretty well to it ... but like the Concert in 86, this one was one I went to with a mixed bag of emotions ... I had been looking forward to going, but like Lennon said - "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans ..."

I can't say I went for any other reason than not letting the tickets go to waste ...

A friend emailed me today saying: "Try and put a bit of your heart into the show, let it take you back to a time and place that was good and happy for you, that's what music should do.... Unfortunately sometimes it takes us to a not so good time or place, but that doesn't sound like the case for your and RUSH" I realized at the concert that for me RUSH doesn't take me to a place that is good and happy ... in truth there are only three moments in my life when I can say I was in a place that was good and happy ... May 21st 1994 ...September 23rd 1997 ... and May 20th 1999 ... ( author's note: the correct date IS, as Ms H reminded me in the comments today, September 23rd 1996, not 1997 as I erroneously wrote above ... I remember the day of her arrival in the world very well ... and for the error in dates, I apologize profusely! )

What RUSH brings me and has always brought me is - ESCAPE ... complete escape from everything else ...

Today on the drive into Winnipeg and home again, I listened (really listened) to Eckert Tolle's CD of A New Earth ... the piece I listened to was chapter 7 - "Letting Go" where he talks about letting go of our pain body ...

Over the last couple of weeks I've come to realize that my pain body is perhaps stronger than ever ... and has adversely affected many aspects of my life lately ... I've thought I was getting better ... in the last 72 hours I've come to realize how wrong an assumption that was ...

Reading the email from my friend and realizing that the music of RUSH has always been an escape for me made me realize that almost ALL of the music I listen to has a negative association to it ... I'm feeding my pain body ...

Tolle offers that the first step in diminishing and ultimately dealing with your pain body is by accepting its presence and owning the reality that it exists at all ... by naming and accepting the presence of the Pain Body, you are diminishing it's control of yourself ...

Today as I considered the extent to which I have allowed my life to be defined and determined by my pain body I realized how deep and dark it is ... and how powerful it has become within my life ... I realized that I am not in the "good" place I thought I was ...

The first step in dealing with a pain body is admitted it exists ... I know mine does ... my pain body exists and is manifest in a profound unhappiness in my person ...

There, I said it - "I'm UNHAPPY !!" and THIS isn't new ...

Tomorrow we begin the journey of living independent of my pain body ...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

MY BIRTHDAY IS SEPTEMBER 23RD 1996!!!!!!!!

NOT 1997 OK??

REMEMBER 1996.

BYE

shawn said...

Maybe it was your 1st B-day that was the memorable day Ms H !!??

Did you think of THAT ???

... also bear in mind, I wrote that when I got home from the concert at 2 in the morning, while you were fast asleep !!!

Cut the old guy some slack ... he's having a hard enough time with his kids growing up too fast ...

Yes, it was September 23rd 1996 ... I shall fix it ...

Sorry.