All will, in time be revealed ...

Today I felt like Obi Wan Kenobi in the FIRST Star Wars film when he grips himself and says with a gasp - "I just felt a disturbance in the Force ..."

All day I felt uneasy and troubled ... it is hard to describe other than having a sense of foreboding about something ... it wasn't work - things were great ... it wasn't family stuff- there's a calm on that front ... there was just something not feeling right ...

Over the last year I've mused about my Animal Totem (the Vulture) and my Animal Energy (the Tiger) and pondered how they influence me and my way in the world ... It is said the Vulture Totem brings with it a view of the world that includes the gift of seeing the auras around people - sensing on a visceral level, what is happening within the other person ...

A few weeks ago a friend seemed distant and troubled when we spent time with each other ... something didn't seem right - I had a sense there was something unspoken ... SO ... I tried in a foolish way to find out what was going on, to act on my "spidey senses" ...

It turned out badly ... accusations were tossed around ... unkind words were lobbed my way ... and statements were made to me that made absolutely no sense what so ever ... I retreated ... licked my wounds ... and entered a period of profound introspection that helped me refocus and finally really grapple with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle ...

The bad became, in the outcome a relatively neutral thing ... but I have still been troubled by the apparent disconnect that this brutal gut-wrenching exchange brought into being ... None of the things said made any sense, and the ferocity by which they were said left me reeling ... to say I felt like ALL OF IT CAME OUT OF THE BLUE, is an understatement ... Yet, things were and are what they are ... and a seeming gaping hole developed in a friendship I had come to value and even cherish ... and I could make no sense of it ...

Tonight though ... my unease grew deeper and deeper and my sense of foreboding grew deeper ... a phone call just as the work day ended brought me news that saddened me greatly and caused me to feel profound sadness for a life that has so much potential that continues to be unrealized and simply tossed away ... and still my unease persisted ...

Then I had the moment of realization that not only caused the unease to suddenly disperse ... like the all seeing Vulture circling overhead on the thermals, or the tiger lurking in the dense undergrowth - EVERYTHING that had transpired and that had been said made 100% sense ... the nagging "why?" was answered ... and the accusations and the harsh insistences that had been tossed about so casually made complete sense ...

In that moment I learned two things ... the first is I need to start trusting my gut when it comes to feeling things that are intangible ... AND the second realizations was that the PROBLEM is NOT me ... I'm doing okay ... I'm being open, honest, caring and loving ... I'm not the one who has anything to hid, nor have I ... The introspection I've been doing has been immensely helpful - but the motivation was because of rejection and accusations by someone I still care about, but who was being less than fully open about things ... the problem is clearly NOT MINE.

I grieve the demise of a friendship that I had come to value ... but as Tolle would say - "this thing has happened because it has happened ..." and the rest is outside of this moment ... and I remain open to whatever the cosmos will offer ...

.