Today over at Laughing Pastor, I read a piece that caused me to say - "AMEN!!" ... he was reflecting on the verbal stumbling blocks we toss around so easily in our faith journey ....
The words: Can't ... Don't ... Not ... and BUT!!! are cited in this posting as examples of how our best of intentions run hard aground against a very different reality - particularly in the life and ministry of The Church.
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I couldn't help but think though, that the one word he missed is the word - NO.
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In the Church we generally don't like the word "NO" any more. We've come to associate it with what we can't do and what we are being told NOT to do, rather than seeing it as a healthy boundary that limits our actions for OUR OWN GOOD.
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Looking back as both a minister and a parent, I can't imagine living without uttering the word "NO" from time to time.
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For our children the word "No" is a limit for safety, patience, and growth. They may NOT like it in the short term, but in the long term sometimes it is our wisdom and experience coming into play for THEIR LONG term good ... I think all of us are secretly grateful to our parents for those moments when they said "No" to us as teens ... in the moment we hated them, but too often they were right (not that we'll EVER ADMIT TO IT, especially if it meant missing that big party, or some special happening !!??).
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In the church though we've developed an ethos that is pretty much a free for all with nary a "no" in sight ... we don't want to offend by saying "no" ... we don't want to thwart some one by saying "no" ... we don't want to be seen as an aggressive authoritarian presence by saying "no" ... but in the process we've become wishy-washy and wimpy ...
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We no longer really stand for anything, because we've forgotten what we're about in our blithe quest for niceness ...
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Somewhere in my files I have a brilliant piece by BC writer Doug Todd called "How niceness bedevils the United Church ..." He wrote that piece over 12 years ago, and it should have been a warning for ALL of us ... but we failed to heed his caution ...
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And so today we "trust in the Spirit" when confronted with bad behaviour ... we turn away when our colleagues and friends step up with the tatters of their lives, reputations and careers in their hands seeking our help ... we do nothing when toxic and incompetent leadership are guided by their egos rather than their faith ... we never dare utter the word - "NO" for fear of offending someone ...
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... And as a result the grounding principles of justice, honesty, integrity, fairness, equality and FAITH on which our Church was build are slowly eroded away ...
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Every time a lie is uttered ... a rumour is spread ... a secret is held ... a back is stabbed ... every time silence is kept ... in those moments when the simple word - "NO" needs to be spoken and people of faith say NOTHING ... we stumble.
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To some it may not be a big deal ... but to our lives of faith such a stumble is a betrayal of what we value as a Church and it serves to make us hypocritical and unfaithful ...
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I may be too polly-anna-ish in my outlook, but I agree with Blake - we need to expunge the words DON'T, CAN'T, NOT, and BUT, from our vocabulary of faith AND we need to start using the word - "NO!!" a little more often.
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I would dare to say Minnedosa United Church would already be in its new building by now, if there was some courage to tell a few people in positions of power and "authority" - "NO, you won't act this way ...", "NO!! you don't say one thing and do something else ..." and "NO!! You don't treat people this way ..."
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Looking back it is fascinating to note that over and over, the 90 something year old elders of the community kept saying this very thing - but no one wanted nor dared to listen to them either ... and so the community remains divided and homeless ... but the official story is - "it's ALL alright now, because Shawn is gone ..."
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Oh the tales we spin ...
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Too bad we've forgotten that sometimes the kindest word of all is a simple - "NO!!"
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One word could have saved us a lot of money, time and resources if someone had the courage to say it long ago to more than just me ...
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One day maybe we'll learn.
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3 comments:
didn't they say "no" to you, Shawn? Shouldn't you listen?
Could you possibly learn from that "no" like a teenager?
Just wondering...
Hmmm ... anonymous comments - MY FAVOURITES ... but if I didn't post this one, whoever this is would no doubt come back at me and say - "you're censoring your blog and only putting up the positives ..."
Can't win can I ???
Well, dear anonymous - thanks for your two cents, cause that's about ALL it's worth ...
My first question is - WHO said 'NO' to me in your opinion??? The Board of the Church??? Not all of them ... bullying is a powerful tool ... stacking a meeting and rushing things through are effective means of achieving the goals of an astute minority ...
There were many who were NOT involved in the "vote" to say yeah or nay to my Ministry here ... The goal was set in January 2007 when help was sought - I could NAME the people sitting at the Board table who were NOT interested in seeing me continue - and they along with a select group of others campaigned LONG and hard to have THIER way ... they stacked the review interviews ... they made sure the "right" people knew about the crucial meetings ... they were the ones out and about in the community spreading the bullshit about me - it's funny though, when I commented in December 07 to one of the Board members about this she didn't deny that behaviour, she said - "oh they aren't speaking as Board members ... they are speaking as individuals ..." my reply was - "funny, when I wrote letters to the local paper about issues in the town, I wrote them as an individual, not as the minister, yet I'm called to task because my actions reflected badly on the "Church". How is THIS any different?" she had no answer ... and there was no willingness to call these people to task for their BAD behaviour ... behaviour that didn't stop until they got their way - MY DEPARTURE. $
So, yeah - "they" said no ... but many other "they"s in the world said no to people like King, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Luther, and countless others who have been proven to be saints in the fullness of time ...
Am I saint - not likely ... but I have stood with integrity through ALL of this ... I have used my intelligence, my wisdom, my enthusiasm, my knowledge and my background for the common good, NOT for my ego ...
What can I learn from the "no" offered to me ... Good question ...
First off, toxic, dysfunctional people will stop at nothing to GET THEIR WAY.
Secondly, opinions based on lies, rumours, gossip and untruths are not worth heeding, even if they are held by "good" church people.
Thirdly, just because you say something long enough and repeat it enough times DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE.
Fourthly, fearful reactions by small minded people who won't open their eyes to the REAL world around them doesn't mean they are just, nor right ...
Fifthly, I'm talking about a righteous "NO" ... not a political no that is based off of ignorance, fear and dysfunction ... and I've heard it from too many people in Minnedosa that the "NO" uttered to me was just the latest in a long line of abusive reactions to clergy who were not willing to be constrained by the political machinations of a small town clique who are afraid of losing THEIR power ... the funny thing is - even my focus group (appointed by Presbytery) could see from a distance the reality of THIS, but NO ONE WOULD LISTEN ...
So, thanks for asking - I've learned a lot - there are other lessons I could share, but these will suffice ... but you should step out from behind the veil of anonymity and ask others in Minnedosa if THEY have learned anything ... including YOURSELF.
If this was a righteous "NO", why do "they" have to keep spreading malicious and hate-filled rumours about me??? If it was a righteous "NO" and was just and fair, I would heartily agree with it and take my lumps - but it is NOT - and it never was.
Oh and for the record - I'm no teenager ... My life journey has been long and hard ... and I've gleaned more than a few lessons along the way ... and there is a reason why I've was CALLED into Ministry. A sure sign of maturity is being willing to speak up for yourself and OWN your opinions right AND wrong ... funny - I'm NOT the one being anonymous around here ... I wonder who is the juvenile one ????
later,
You know, I don't know what happened in Minnedosa (which for a long time I thought was Minnesota with a lisp) and in many ways I'm glad I don't know. My ignorance of what happened in Minnedosa has allowed me to read your posts with what I believe your intent in writing them is....to learn and grow. Yes, I have learned so much from your posts, some of your other posts have re-enforced what I already knew.
Shawn, unfortunately, and I'm sure I'm not telling you anything new; that making the right choice is often times making the unpopular choice. It divides those that live in what I call the "reality of light" and those that live in the darkness. Many would rather live in the darkness because they can't see the flaws that are so prevelant. I know I'd rather look at myself through the shadows because those shadows hide the imperfections, but at one time or another we will all stand in the light and before the Light, where nothing will be hidden. For me, I'd rather stand in the light now so when I'm standing before the Light I don't have to make excuses, I will know it is *I* that has chosen my path.
There are so many in the world, and I too am part of the world, that like to live in the "rules and regulations" so they have a path to salvation. They depend on those rules and regulations to judge themselves and others. Biblically, those rules and regulations were just signs to lead you in the right direction, they were never meant to be a contract with God but to point you in the direction of His Grace.
Do you ever stop and wonder why God spent so much time with the "sinners" rather than those who "knew" when they would meet their Savior? Maybe...just maybe... those sinners were more open to the real truth....God's truth, which isn't always man's truth.
Shawn, I'm going to give you a little quote and I want you to give me a great big smile when you read it. "Render unto Ceasears what is Ceasears, render unto God what is God's."
Now that I've said all that, when I initially read today's post today I wanted to write to you to tell you that your words have conviced me of my behavior at work. I recently received a new promotion and I think I've been a little "wishy-washy" in my need to say "NO." I beat around the bush in an attempt to make the employee see that doing what they are asking isn't really a good idea. What I need do is say "no" so my position is clear. Thanks for the advice without really handing it out to me.
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