The Closing of a Circle ...

I AM a Preacher ...
It is something I do exceptionally well, it is something I take great pride in, and it is something that is neither easy for me, nor that I take for granted ...

I still get very nervous when I stand before a group of people and speak ... I have ALWAYS said, the day I stop feeling nervous, is the day I quit and do something else!!

I AM A PREACHER ... but I wasn't always a good preacher ...

My first attempts at speaking from the pulpit of my home congregation, Centennial United Church in Stratford were not pleasant for me, I doubt they were pleasant for the kind and caring folks I had grown up amongst.

I spoke too quickly, jumbling my words together ...
I spoke too softly, causing straining the elders' hearing as they tried to hear my mumbles ...
I struggled ...

Thankfully there was a retired Kindergarten teacher named Mary in our midst ... Mary was in ALL things - A TEACHER. If she took you under her wing you KNEW IT.

Along the way she took this nervous knee knocking wanna-be under her wings and shared the tutelage that ONLY a retired OLD SCHOOL Teacher could offer ...

I remember Mary standing up and saying - "Slow down, we can hardly understand you ..." or "Oh would you speak up, we want to hear you !!"

Over and over, dear Mary would rise to her feet, even in the middle of a sermon, and say what needed to be said ... and with each interruption I was gently guided closer and closer to my voice ... The Voice of a Preacher ... a voice that is measured ... audible ... confident ... and strong.

I have always said I owe my voice - The Voice of a Preacher - to Mary ... her interruptions were a gift ... she, in her own indomitable way, taught me to speak with confidence and strength, SHE taught me to project my voice and say what I was called to say ...

It was a GREAT day when I made it through an entire service without Mary rising to say SOMETHING ... the service ended and Mary sat in her familiar pew, a warm smile on her face and with a simple nod of her head, she told me the lessons were done ... I had FOUND my VOICE!!!

Eight months ago I was silenced ... my public preaching voice was muted by a decision of Assiniboine Presbytery who chose to discipline me for my reactive behaviour to the toxic actions of others (actions and behaviour that to date Presbytery has curiously chosen to simply ignore) . I have no quibble with the decision itself, but I DO have a problem with the obvious imbalance of it all ... Calling one party to task for bad behaviour while ignoring the behaviour of others who engaged in equally bad behaviour only serves to give tacit approval to people who need to look deeply into the mirror and FIX THEIR PERSONAL SHIT before they hurt anyone else!!

For eight LONG months I have not spoken in public ... The harshest experience of all in this wilderness was being denied the ability to preside at the wedding of my Little Brother, who has for 24 years been a friend and a family member ... his wedding came days after the imposition of the Suspension, and even though it was 1400 kms away, I was denied the long awaited moment of standing with he and his bride and sharing in he moment where my once 6 year old Little Brother, stood with his life partner and proclaimed their covenant. We had planned for this event for over two years ... and then because "the rules are what they are," we had to scramble to find someone at the eleventh hour, and EVERYONE in the room looked at the legalism and senseless bureaucracy of the United Church with contemptuous disdain ...

On Wednesday March 19th I spoke publicly for the first time ... my co-worker Lori, had been part of the organizing committee for the March against Racism in Brandon, and because of a last minute cancellation needed someone to offer a Blessing on the event as we marched from City Hall to the University. I was honoured that she asked me.

Borrowing a prayer from the Lakota people and a blessing from the Maori people, I began by sharing the teachings the Nuxalkmc elders had offered me when my ministry started ... They said that: I was a preacher ... I had the voice of a D'plata (preacher in their language), and that I should speak as one with the authority of Managuys (their name for God-the Great Spirit) wherever I go ..

On Wednesday March 19th, in the lobby of Brandon's City Hall, as an employee of Brandon Neighbourhood Renewal Corporation, I stood before the assembled crowd and spoke publicly for the first time in EIGHT months !!!

I was still nervous ... but I had found that voice that for eight long months has laid mute and silent within ... I spoke the words of Blessing and the Drums began to lead us forward ... I had reclaimed my Voice ... The Voice of a Preacher ...

Later that night, I went home and opened the web page for the Stratford Beacon Herald ... when I opened the obituary page my heart stopped ... Listed there was an obit for Mary ...

At the age of 94, her earthly journey had come to a end ...

But it was the symbolism of her dying the very day that I found the voice she was so much a part of creating within me ... She started me on the path of ministry ... along the way I've been battered and bruised and I've periodically strayed from the path and found myself wandering into places of wilderness and darkness ...

On March 19th, as I found my way BACK out of the silent wilderness of my suspension, and reclaimed my Voice, it would seem that Mary's work was finally done ...

She had been a stalwart presence in my life, and the reason I can speak the way I can ... and for that I will be forever grateful ... as one circle closed, another opened, and I will carry Mary's loving lessons forward wherever this journey leads ...

I will NOT be silenced again ... I will speak with the strength, confidence and assurance that comes from the faithful and loving guidance of people like Mary ...

I am a preacher ... Mary taught me much ... and it is because of her I have journeyed through the wilderness and emerged on the other side stronger than EVER before ...

I AM A PREACHER !!! That has NEVER changed !!!

.