Driving in this morning in the rain I realized my three kids have three very different approaches to life ... and there's a lesson in there for ALL of us ...
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Noahkila, the eldest is the optimist of the bunch ... he approaches ALL people with the expectation that everyone is good ... he has been abused and bullied because of it, yet he continues to be incredibly trusting and open to EVERYONE in a way that is marvelous and also heart breaking ... He endures his hurts quietly, shutting himself away, both figuratively and literally as he licks his wounds and carries on ... His Polly-anna-ish outlook has never dampered, and remains unabated ... He still believes in the inherent good of people, although he is becoming more realistic in that he seldom lets someone take a second run at him, and he never tries to blame someone else for his problem ... instead he sucks it up, problem solves and finds his way forward ...
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Ms H., the middle child is unique ... there is nary a picture of her from her infancy where her mouth isn't open in a full throttled holler ... as a baby her Grandmother gave a book on The Little Red Hen, with a series of keys along the side that offered accompanied audio bits for the story ... the Little Red Hen's button exclaimed LOUDLY in an obnoxious tone - "I'll DO it MYSELF!!" ... a phrase Ms. H took to heart ... she WILL and does do it herself - regularly ... She is also the least trusting of our three ... her antennea are always up, and she watches like a hawk, observing things that others would miss ... and her assessment of people is often frightfully accurate, doubly so considering her age ... She is a force to be reckoned with - life WILL be lived on her terms and under her conditions ... and she ploughs her way forward unabashedly and strongly (not sure where THAT could come from) ... and when she needs help, or is reduced to tears, it's a moment to stop everything and be attentive to her ...
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And dear sweet Beetle ... the drop of sunshine in our lives ... always happy ... always smiling ... always pleasant, and even though she is a place of transition wherein she is finding her wings, and flexing the muscles of her personality, she remains at heart a shy little girl with a scathing wit and a brilliant sense of humour ... the fly in her oinment is her propensity to blame EVERYONE else for her problems, or for the crisis in her life ... can't find her backpack for school? - It's NEVER, NEVER, NEVER her problem - someone ELSE is always to blame, and is usually a "BUTT", as a result ... over and over I marvel at how simple situations become massive life altering crises (in her view) because it is ALWAYS someone else's fault ... and God help you if you point THAT simple fact out to her ... then it REALLY is YOUR fault ...
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As I thought about my three wonderful children, and their foibles, faults, follies and incredible strengths I couldn't help but muse about how luck I really am to have three such amazing young people in my life ... and even in their short-comings, they are still great kids, and super people. But in their foibles around approaching life, I realized there is a lesson there for all of us ...
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Noahkila's silent approach of sucking in the hurt and saying nothing, doesn't work ...
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Ms H's brash approach of blasting through life, and damned the consequences doesn't work either ...
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And wee Beetle's approach of BLAMING EVERYONE ELSE for her problems really doesn't work ...
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So, the challenge, as a parent and as a person is to find the balance point ... the place where you take responsibility for your self and your life and the choices you've made ... where you balance your belief in the goodness of humanity with a dose of self-protection ... and where you move through life with certainty and determination, but not enough to have people regard you as arrogant ... it's an interesting challenge ... and yet as I look around me I see too many people who are like my kids, particularly Noahkila and Beetle ...
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I've lost track of the number of people I've met who BLAME someone - anyone else for their problems and who believe that happiness will come from some external place or person ... and I know of too many people, myself included who quietly endure their pain and suffering and anguish by weeping in the dark ... Neither approach works well ... Ms H, with her fiery independence offers a glimpse of how to adequately live our lives, but her "I'll do it myself" attitude sometiems works against her ... So out of this I've come to realize that maturity and wholeness means letting go of the blame - both of others and of self ... and facing the reality in which we live knowing what it is that we bring to the proverbial table, and what we have to offer in life ... the journey of the last few months has taught me much about being present to myself and finding my happiness and contentment within myself, and being more patient in the face of life ... it's not been easy ... but with each step of the journey I draw closer ...
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Along the way I've realized that kids can teach us alot if we take the time to simply watch and listen ...
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